Reston Mom

Contraction Master

With my first child, I awoke in the middle of the night with labor.  I honestly couldn't believe that is what was going on since I had been to the doctor less than 12 hrs. earlier to discover that I was not at all dilated, effaced, nor had the baby really "dropped."  Though already overdue, my doc said it didn't look to be happening right away.  So, not ready to wake my husband to proclaim my unpredicted news...I began to stare at the clock, timing the contractions until I finally woke my hubby and got into the shower to ease the discomfort.  My friend, who just had a baby, used this to time her contractions.  Nifty. 

Guest Author Kirsten has a baby boy!

My friend Kirsten guest authored some posts on this blog about her decision to home birth her first child.  You can read her posts (pre-birth) under my "guest author" category.  I just wanted to give you an update and congratulate her on the birth of her son, Sawyer Timothy.   You can read her entire birth story and see some more pictures (including the labor process) here.

My Birth Story, part 3

Well, I promised I'd share a bit about the emotions attached to having a c-section (particularly if it was unplanned).  I've definitely had friends who experienced great disappointment and feelings of inadequacy, failure, or of being a lesser-woman because delivery didn't go the way they had hoped.  I didn't really experience this at first at all....it wasn't until later when more friends started having babies and I was suddenly surrounded by women proudly telling "success" stories about natural births and friends whose labors lasted under 10 hours and walked away from the hospital doing great.  It's pretty easy to become discouraged by the talking of other women who have no idea of those sensitivities - but no one can make you feel "unsuccessful" if you've brought a baby into this world (even by C-section) or inferior without your consent.  Which, is why I think I didn't really go through this at first.  I went into the process with a plan that in my brain was ideal, but flexible.  I think I was prepared for the unexpected and ready to accept my experience as just that - my experience.  I certainly would rather have had things go differently, but they didn't and four years later I have two healthy daughters who don't give a lick how they made it into this world.  But there is something deeply emotional about the birth process - as with parenting also.  Expectations run high because hopes and dreams and the desire to be the best mom you can run high.  Even when you accept the possibility that things might not (well, in some aspect absolutely will not) go according to your plan, it is probable that you'll still feel disappointed in some way.  Giving birth is also deeply connected to our sense of womanhood.  Feeling that you didn't get to experience or weren't able to complete something that women are made to do can be really difficult as it can affect the emotions surrounding our identity. 
Having a C-section is not a failure....it doesn't make you any less of a woman, any less strong, or any less committed to the best for your child. It isn't something to blame yourself for as if you did something wrong. The birth process is not an absolutely controlled thing...there are always things that are mysterious, difficult, and unpredictable about it (maybe in preparation for parenthood which is that way too :)  But those emotions can be very real and very strong.  It helps to talk to someone about it and it helps to look into the face of your child and let yourself be overwhelmed by gratefulness that they are here. 

My Birth Story, part 2

So, I thought I'd tell you what a C-section is like - I'm going to have to break this in two, first I'll tell you about the physical thing and then I'll do another post on the mental/emotional thing.  This might be a tad lengthy, but here goes:
I'd like to go on the record for saying that I would never choose C-section as my first preference or option.  There are tons of things about it which pretty much suck - first and foremost, the fact that it is a major abdominal surgery and includes all the risks inherent in surgery. 
Secondly, it's painful - well, not while it's happening - but the recovery is no picnic! Sure there are great meds for managing the pain, but the fact is that there are seven layers of your body that have been sliced through and must now heal.  Amazingly, if you are a fairly healthy individual - the body is fantastically awe-inspiring at healing. Gratefully, I didn't experience any infections and was astounded that typically you are out of bed gently walking around sometimes in under 24 hrs.!  Although I must say that having to heal from surgery while experiencing breast-feeding and adjusting in general to parenthood at the same time is a little frustrating.  As is the fact that you can't eat anything but liquids for maybe a day, aren't supposed to walk up or down stairs more than once a day for a while or lift anything heavier than your baby, no real exercise for something like 6 weeks, no driving for a limited amount of time, etc....
Pretty much what happens is this: you go into the surgery room, the anesthesia is administered, you're given oxygen, a cloth is draped over your chest so that you can't see what is going on.  They pinch you to make sure you can't feel anything and then conduct the surgery.  There's a feeling of pressure when the baby is pulled out and hopefully you get to hear the baby cry.  The baby's health is assessed and they are warmed, then your husband (dressed in gown and mask) can bring the baby over to see you, but the doctors are busy sewing you up so you can't really hold the baby.  The first round, I was so exhausted from labor and surgery combined and had so many drugs that after seeing Hope, my next memory is waking up a few hours later in an observation room. If your husband attends the surgery, you may want to warn him to stay on your side of the curtain.  Matt actually took pictures of the whole thing (I'll spare you) - but you may also want to warn him that the doctors will likely pull your uterus up and out of your body to manually massage it back down to size.  Seeing your guts outside of your body might come as quite a shock to him.  Also, it isn't any fun to have a catheter inserted or removed, or to have a nurse have to come and change your bedding and pad from the bleeding for you during the time before you can get up and walk - there are lots of little things like that that generally put an end to your modesty.
But, if the end result is a miraculous little baby - it is all totally worth it! I'd do it again a million times just to have my two girls with me.  And, I'm grateful for the option - because otherwise my own mother wouldn't be here today, nor myself or my children likely.  My doctors were wonderful and I am thankful for them.

My Birth Story, part 1

All birth stories are both similar and yet very different.  You may not be interested in mine, and if not feel free to skip this.  But, just in case you've ever wondered about C-sections or just want to get to know me a little better, I've decided to share a bit.  I'm not sharing the icky details, but generally my personal experience. 

With Hope, I was excited, confident, and nervous.  I saw my doctor on Friday (past my due date) with no signs of being dilated or effaced.  That very night my labor began.  We waited as long as I felt comfortable doing so before going to the hospital and then spent the remainder of my 21 hours of labor there. After pushing for nearly two hours, with Hope refusing to fully descend into the birth canal and turned "sunny-side up" as they say, I went into surgery and she was born by C-section.  7 1/2 lbs, 19 in. - amazingly alert, wide-eyed, and happy - Hope was gorgeous.
Exactly two years later, Maddie was born by a planned C-section.  I considered VBAC, talked with my doctors, husband, friends, and prayed.  Although I have had several friends successfully deliver by VBAC, I decided that it was in my personal best interest to go with a C-section again.  Post-surgery, this was confirmed by my doctor.  Maddie was born 7 lbs. 14 oz, 19 1/2 in. and was the pinkest, plumpest, most beautiful baby - I just stared and stared at her. 
These are my birth stories and no matter the details, they remain rooted in my memory for the special, exciting, awe-inspiring events that birth always is and for bringing my beloved daughters out into this world.  Because my experience included surgery, I will follow this post with part 2 to discuss what you may or may not know about C-sections. 

Kirsten on Home Birth for you

Is Home Birth for You?

One of my first thoughts after seeing the plus sign on the pregnancy test was, “Oh no—does this mean I’m going to have a home birth??” It was one thing to read about it, but a totally different thing to sign up for it.  I took a month or two to read, pray, and discuss with Rob to decide what was the best choice for us.

An important factor if you are considering home birth is whether you are considered high or low risk.  This may vary some from midwife to midwife, but here are some factors that would probably rule out home birth:  a chronic medical condition (like heart disease, diabetes, or lupus),  confirmed HIV or AIDS, a history of premature babies or low-weight babies, or if you’ve had a C-section less than a year before.  Doctors often include women over the age of thirty-five, first time mothers, and women who have previously had a C-section in their high risk category, while a midwife may still find these women to be good candidates for home birth.  If you have questions about whether or not it would be safe to give birth at home, a good idea would be to talk to a midwife about your specific situation.

Choosing where to give birth is a very personal decision, one that you should make in conjunction with your husband or partner.  Whatever your choice is, you should be comfortable and at peace with it.  We will all have some worries and fears, but you don’t want to choose a birth place that makes you anxious or uncomfortable—that will just make labor and delivery more stressful!  My advice would be to research, pray, and decide what’s best for you.   

Can doctors be trusted?

I'm going to make an interesting comment and I'd love to hear your thoughts.  I've been seeing growing numbers of conversations about informed birth choices, natural birth, home births, using midwifes and doulas, and the high infant mortality rate in America as compared to some other countries and Ricky Lake's "The Business of Being Born." (which I haven't seen yet and hear is quite balanced) - as well as following the safety issues of vaccinations.  I'm really glad, actually, that good forums are being created to educate and help moms to make the safest, best choices for themselves and their babies.  I'll admit that America's health care system has some issues that need to be dealt with.  But, what I've also noticed in many of these conversations is that the doctors are becoming the scapegoat...often conversations are walking a fine line of subtly suggesting that doctors in general cannot be trusted, don't have patients best interests in mind, are misinformed, uninvolved and are just out to make money, etc.  I have known several doctors and nurses, including obstetricians and pediatricians who were amazing individuals who chose that line of work precisely because they do care for their patients and do a great job.  I think parents should make the decisions that are right for them and the safest for mom and baby, but I think it is such a shame when people are growing more and more scared to trust their physicians, often for unfounded reasons.

Kirsten on Natural birth and pain, part 1

Let’s Be Honest—What about the Pain??

I feel a little unqualified to even address this, as I haven’t been through labor yet!  This was one of my biggest initial fears about home birth, one I have come to terms with over the past eight months.  Realize that the thoughts in this post come from reading and reflecting, but not yet from experience! 

Many women choose to give birth naturally, whether in a hospital or birthing center, and how to manage pain is a huge part of preparation.  Rarely do we think of pain as a good thing, but pain actually does have a purpose.  In labor, it can indicate that things are progressing normally or that something is wrong (sharp or burning pain, for example).  The body also releases natural stress-releasing hormones called endorphins in response to pain.  Often women describe a natural sort of euphoria that coexists with the pain of labor, similar to the “high” that many distance runners describe. 

It’s true that nothing can remove pain like an epidural.  But epidurals also block other good senses (such as the urge to push) and inhibit the body’s natural release of endorphins.  Usually an epidural also makes electronic fetal monitoring and an IV drip necessary, all of which means you will most likely be on your back in bed—proven to be the worst position for labor and for birth.  Epidurals are not without serious risk to both mother and baby—something you definitely want to research ahead of time to make an informed choice.   

Yes, I fear the pain of labor.  But I also am (weirdly) excited to fully experience this amazing feat that my body was designed to accomplish.  Of course, the first person who tries to remind me of that when I’m actually in labor better watch out…

home birthing celebrites and more

Here is a timely article from Parentdish about home birthing - it's not long but it includes a lot of interesting points.  If you've been interested in the posts from guest writer Kirsten, here is some more fodder for thought and great discussion. 

Kirsten on Home Birth and safety

But Is Home Birth Really Safe?

There are two main reasons that people assume a hospital is the safest place to give birth:  the presence of medical doctors and technology.   A backup plan is a must in a home birth for an emergency situation, but for women who are low risk, research supports certified midwife attended home birth as a safe alternative to hospital birth.  

While doctors may have more extensive formal obstetric education, certified midwives undergo rigorous training to become experts in the practical aspects of labor and birth. In a busy hospital setting, doctors may only be present for the final stage of labor as the mother begins to push.  Nurses primarily monitor labor, often caring for several women at one time.  Midwives are familiar with the entirety of labor and delivery and give one-on-one care throughout.  Nurses and doctors often rely on elective medical interventions such as electronic fetal monitoring, labor induction, and episiotomy which can result in adverse outcomes even in low-risk women.  Midwives use safer alternative methods such as intermittent listening and perineal massage which would be difficult or impossible for busy doctors and nurses in a hospital.

In these days of iPhones and wireless everything, we tend to trust technology above all else—perhaps to a fault.  The United States may be one of the most technologically advanced countries in the world but in 2003, thirty-one countries had lower infant mortality rates.  The countries with the lowest mortality rates were those where midwifery is an integral part of obstetric care and where births more commonly take place outside of a hospital.  According to the National Center for Health Statistics, the U.S. infant mortality rate drops from 6.3 deaths per 1,000 live births to 2.1 deaths per 1,000 live births in midwife-attended birth.  I take all statistics with a grain of salt because there can be so many contributing factors, but these numbers still give pause.

This barely scratches the surface, but hopefully provides some basic support for the safety of home birth.  If you want to read more on this topic, please dig deeper! There are a ton of great books out there, including Gentle Birth Choices by Barbara Harper, which supplied the research for this post.   

Kirsten on choosing Home Birth

  It’s the 21^st Century—Why Would You Give Birth in Your HOUSE?

That was my first reaction when my friend Stacy announced she was giving birth at home.  The idea sounded archaic, irresponsible, and more than a little bit insane.  Probably like a lot of women, I had never heard of home birth as an alternative to hospital birth, and I was worried about my friend’s safety and mental state. 

So, like a responsible friend, I began asking questions and reading up on home birth.  I was married but not yet thinking about children, and had never thought twice about where I would give birth.  My only experience with birth came from movies where men faint and women are angry and hysterical, screaming for an epidural. Of course I would give birth in a hospital, and the quicker I could get drugs, the better.  Right?

My thoughts began to change as I read well-documented books citing medical research supporting the safety and benefits of home birth.  I was surprised to find that the technology I thought made hospital births safer can be overused, resulting in more complications or interventions.  In addition, women who gave birth at home attended by a midwife described labor and birth as a joyous occasion, as opposed to the common perception of birth as a painful and terrible ordeal.   

When I got pregnant almost two years later, I returned to the research and began praying about my choice.  I had come to see home birth as a viable option, but was it right for me?  Did I want other people thinking I was nuts for giving birth at home?  Could I make it through labor without an epidural? Was it really safe?

Whether you have never heard about alternatives to hospital birth or this is old news, I hope to share in these next few posts what brought me from thinking that the idea was crazy to planning a home birth for my first baby this April.