Reston Mom

Mama Exposed 7

To deal with life we create systems...little routines that get things done.  Some of my systems are really great, some are really terrible and then there are those that actually work just fine but were developed out of necessity breeding a bad habit and desperately need reworked. Mine is dishrags.  I refuse to use sponges in my kitchen, but rather choose wash rags for dishes and wiping down surfaces.  Each rag only lasts about a day (sometimes less) and is replaced the next morning and sent to the wash.
Enter: the basement. 
First let me apprise you of the situation: unfinished, dark, prone to crickets, featuring the laundry machines at one far end, a mixture of random musical equipment/stage equipment at the far opposite end, and every bit wall shelving and floor space between the two collecting storage items, tools, craft materials, donation items, etc... It is a place I would never let you see, already a catch-all, unwelcoming space it's worth another "mama exposed" post in and of itself.  The door is located just outside my kitchen.  Therefore, when a kitchen rag gets smelly or in need of washing, I inevitably just open up the door and throw it on the stairs because I don't want to walk all the way down and over to the laundry for one silly rag.  The next time I go down, I pick up the rags and bring them with me.  So, as often as not, there is some dirty, nasty rag sitting on the basement steps.  Even I am grossed out by this, but it's become such a habit and it works, so I haven't re-worked the system.
I need some suggestions: It's not acceptable to leave the rag upstairs because they get smelly and I like to wash them frequently.  If I put a bucket or something on the stairs, then I am less likely to take the rags down and wash them as frequently, I'll wait until the bucket is full and by then the odor is overwhelming.  I don't want to commit to disposable rags because of cost effectiveness and environmental friendliness. I can't seem to break out of this disgusting rut.  Any ideas? 

Mama Exposed 6

I have always loved children's books and had started a collection before my children were even thought about...so it wasn't very difficult for The Children's Book of the Month Club to sucker me in when Hope was born.  It seemed like a great deal...and if you're going to be buying books anyway, it really was.  The problem is that they just automatically send you each month's "selection" unless you decline it.  I've never just let them send me stuff and then payed for it each month...I've been more selective over time.  But, eventually I started to lose interest in the club and began doing things differently.  However, I never did actually quit my membership.  So, for a couple of years now I've been declining each month's selection and haven't bought a single book from them.  My only relationship with the club right now is my monthly decline. Occasionally I forget and then a box of books arrives on my doorstep and I take them to the post office and send them back so I won't have to pay for them (because it's usually board books that are too young for my kids now anyway).  You'd think I'd either make better use of this or else just go ahead and quit my membership - except that in buying books you earn "treasure points" which as they accrue can mean big discounts.  I've got 7 treasure points.  It's those stupid seven points that have kept me from severing my ties for so long.  I guess I keep thinking I'll redeem them and then quit.  But I never do.  I just add one more ridiculous thing to my list of things to do each month instead of simplifying.  Well, I'm quitting today. 

Mama Exposed 5

Okay, I'm going to just admit it; I don't always like playing with my kids.  In fact, I'm pretty terrible at it. I just have such a difficult time sitting there on the carpet trying to be entertained by Candyland or Legos or babydolls.  Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore my children.  I love to watch them and to be around them...but so often I'm just tired and not feeling creative or frankly, my adult brain is just not thoroughly engaged by the interests of a 2 and a 4 yr. old. And, as often as not, I'm simply distracted.  I often find that my play time with the girls is forced and not as enthusiastic is it maybe should be.  I do make time to do this because I'm trying to make the most of my time with them.  I know that someday they will no longer come to me to ask if I will play, and I will miss that.  But it isn't always easy and it isn't always what I feel I'd rather be doing.  I think that this is probably normal to some degree, and I would wager that a lot of moms probably feel pretty guilty about this.  There are days when, though I am a stay-at-home-mom, I realize at the end of the day that I didn't really play with my kids at all.  They sort of played around me or near me, but I wasn't particularly engaged with them as I went about my daily chores or whatever...and I think about how I missed another day when I could have made the most of enjoying my children and somehow I feel that I've let them down and myself down, and in a way I have.  Then there are days when I actually do play with them...but I'm not really engaged and they practically have to drag it out of me - and then I feel guilty about that one too because I don't want to communicate to them that they aren't important or other things deserve my time more or that I don't want to play with them.  Because really I do, I want to be the kind of parent that can get lost in play for hours with my kids.  I'm working on that...and occasionally, we do manage to really play together and I enjoy it and receive it as a gift.  This is all some weird balancing trick that I haven't got the hang of yet and by the time I do, it will probably be too late.  I suppose that is why my children's grandmothers have no problem just playing with them. 

Mama Exposed, 4

I got disgustingly tired of the lack of organization which once was my hall closet - especially the mountain of shoes that congregated in the bottom.  So eventually I bought a 4-drawer plastic storage container.  It has two large drawers on the bottom and two shallow drawers at the top.  Each of my girls is designated one of the large bottom drawers to contain their shoes.  This has been tremendously helpful! It makes it so much easier for them to locate their shoes and to put them away.  And, they are stored near the front door which is very convenient.  The very top shallow drawer holds sun hats and sunglasses and things like that. But the second shallow drawer holds all the kids' socks.  And here is where this solution either turns brilliant or totally breaks down.  Storing the socks right next to the shoes and right near where shoes are put on and taken off is perhaps one of the smartest organizational things I've done.  However, I just have the girls put the socks back in the drawer after they've worn them.  Yup - that's right.  Not into the laundry, but back in the drawer to be re-worn probably several times (unless they are truly noticeably grungy or really sweaty).  Then, every so often when I realize that the socks are looking a bit dingy, I just empty the drawer into the washer and wash them all at the same time.  Thus, I do not have to chase after stray socks or dig them out of the larger laundry, they do not wind up on the floor or lost.  So, my kids may not be wearing the cleanest socks around town all the time, but it definitely does buy me a little more sanity. 

Mama Exposed, 3

Oh for shame!  I'm feeling embarrassed about this one.  All of my long-time friends who know me well as a clean-freak are going to point their fingers at me and scream HA! We've got her!  Here's my literally "dirty" confession.  The shower stall in our master bedroom - so neglected, so gross! (if you could only see me cringing...)  For some reason, this hidden area - kept to my husband and I alone, seems to be last for my attention. It has some mildew issues to say the least. It could be helped a small amount with a lot of bleach, but my attitude towards it has become pretty flippant.  I've given up because really the grout around the bottom just needs to be ripped out and replaced.  This is a small project for my husband and I that just keeps getting put off.  Meanwhile, it's disgusting (I can see your noses wrinkling) but it's the reality of jugging a lot of balls...well, this one got dropped.   Ew!   The good thing about writing these posts is that it's forcing me to deal with this.   

Mama Exposed, 2

Boy am I glad that the thoughts in my head aren't exposed to everyone else.  While it's true that sometimes my external world (my home) is a mess, it's also true that my internal world is sometimes a mess too.  For example, one thing that I have always struggled with is fearful thinking.  At times I have been obsessed with the "what if's" in life - the biggest "what if?" being, "what if I get (emotionally) hurt in a way I'm not sure I can recover from?" ....like, what if one of my children dies? And I have followed my brain down painful trains of thought so much that I wondered sometimes if I might like the feeling of pain...why else does my brain seek this and dwell on it?  This began when I was very young. One memory I have is as a preteen I lived around lots of water and had to cross bridges frequently.  Every time we drove across, I made plans of escape for "what if the car should suddenly crash over the edge?"  I have dreamed up scenarios involving break-ins, tragic accidents...you name it, from the ridiculous to the horrifying, I have cried about things that never happened and wondered what my threshold would really be. I am not paranoid in the least bit, nor do I have anxiety.  What I have is a need to be in control - and that includes being in control of my most deep, desperate, savage emotions. 
I would absolutely be a basket case if not for my own faith in the God of the Bible, who I believe is good, able and trustworthy to be in control of the things that are beyond my own control - both around me and inside of me.  That faith has kept me from driving myself crazy...but there are still lots of things going on up in here that need some serious work.  Maybe I'll share some more later.

Mama Exposed, 1

I'm easing myself into this.  In Sept. 2006, I wrote the following post:

Things I swore I'd never do, and did anyway:

1. Let my kids watch TV
2. Use a pacifier
3. Allow my child to eat chips or fries and call it a meal
4. Lose my temper, snap or yell
5. Use a bribe to get my own way
6. Tell my daughter "I can't play right now."
7. Give in to a temper tantrum

Oh well, once in a while we all do crazy things we wouldn't/shouldn't normally do, right? Anybody care to own up and add to the list?

 

Here's an addition:

Not-so-good-things that are oh-so-true:

1. I let my kids eat sugary treats.
2. I don't wash the sheets on the beds nearly enough.
3. I have put the underwear they were previously wearing back on the girls after a bath when there was zero clean laundry in the house - and I've done that myself before too.
4. I have let the girls eat food that fell on the floor.
5. I never wrote thank-you notes for my wedding gifts
6. I avoid answering phone calls (even of people I love, even when I have plenty of time to talk) simply because I hate talking on the phone

Okay, now that I've fessed up to a few humiliating things, you can see that I am capable of being both gross and disrespectful.  But wait....there will be more to come, this is just the tip of the iceburg :)

I'm easing myself into this.  In Sept. 2006, I wrote the following post:

Things I swore I'd never do, and did anyway:

1. Let my kids watch TV
2. Use a pacifier
3. Allow my child to eat chips or fries and call it a meal
4. Lose my temper, snap or yell
5. Use a bribe to get my own way
6. Tell my daughter "I can't play right now."
7. Give in to a temper tantrum

Oh well, once in a while we all do crazy things we wouldn't/shouldn't normally do, right? Anybody care to own up and add to the list?

 

Here's an addition:

Not-so-good-things that are oh-so-true:

1. I let my kids eat sugary treats.
2. I don't wash the sheets on the beds nearly enough.
3. I have put the underwear they were previously wearing back on the girls after a bath when there was zero clean laundry in the house - and I've done that myself before too.
4. I have let the girls eat food that fell on the floor.
5. I never wrote thank-you notes for my wedding gifts
6. I avoid answering phone calls (even of people I love, even when I have plenty of time to talk) simply because I hate talking on the phone

Okay, now that I've fessed up to a few humiliating things, you can see that I am capable of being both gross and disrespectful.  But wait....there will be more to come, this is just the tip of the iceburg :)

Exposing myself

When my sister started her blog in 2007, she included a few posts called "mama exposed."  The idea was to expose some of her imperfections - the fish that were swimming in murky tanks, the messy closets she couldn't get to, etc....   I think that we all have things that we'd rather not advertise because we want to appear to be good moms who have it all together.  But the reality of being a mom is that there is always something difficult, something we can't get to, somewhere that things are falling apart a little bit (or a lot), something we feel that we don't want to admit because we'd seem like terrible moms.  Little by little, I'm going to unveil some of those things in my life for you to take a peek at. Why? Just keepin' it real. As my husband is fond of pointing out; life is messy. (not just in the organizational sense)  Maybe you can relate and we can laugh a little.  Keep an eye out for "mama exposed."

            Here is a recent family photo: I love the looks on the girls faces - Hope is modeling the "life is perfect" fake mom-face, and Maddie is modeling the "mama exposed" face (not planned...just thought it was cute!)