Reston Mom

clumsy child-induced situations

So, you're in Target with two kids, one at least constrained within the cart - which happens to be quickly filling with little odds and ends that you've been meaning to pick up, though it has taken a while to actually get pulled together enough to even attempt a target run with the kids. When of course, one of the munchkins suddenly needs to use the bathroom (even though you were just in there with the other kid)....
What to do? What seems like the most uncomplicated answer is to just take it all in with you...that's right, just push the entire cart into the bathroom.  Oh, I've done it.  And, in reality, trying to push an unevenly weighted fat red cart around the awkward corner and through the door, with one hand while holding the door with the other and trying not to run over the confused people to whom you are giving apologetic glances as they are smooshed backwards into the narrow bathroom, is NOT less work than just popping the kids in and out of the cart, and MUCH more clumsy. (though is helpful in curbing the curiosity unconfined kids seem to have especially for those little "trashcans" in the stalls)  Gratefully, when you actually make it inside,  there is a large handicap stall right in the middle (instead of at the end) which, surprisingly will fit the entire cart.  Except that there is very little room to maneuver and people are giving you those "looks" that they reserve especially for moms.  God forbid that it actually be me who has to use the bathroom which is just going to make me that much less patient and graceful...and if another mom tries to come in there with her cart or stroller...well, forgetaboutit. 
I used to think that I had to be the only one desperate or crazy enough to try this, so I was pleasantly surprised when yesterday, after taking my girls into the women's restroom - sans cart - I noticed another woman come out of the center stall with her giant red cart and kid parked in front.  You should have seen my warm inner smile...it's like we were members of our own secret club.  You know what else? As we were leaving, another mom pulled up with her cart and headed in. 
Of course there are better ways to do this...that's not really the point.  The point is that moms do crazy things all the time that we feel so clumsy and silly for...but some days being a mom isn't about being perfectly resourceful or graceful, it's about getting it done.  You might not be part of the "shopping cart in the restroom" club, but maybe it's the overflowing HUGE diaper bag club, or the uncoordinated, clumsy, nursing-in-some-inadequate-corner-in-public club,  or the I-came-unprepared-so-now-my-kid-has-on-half-the-amount-of-clothes-they-should-and-is-eating-whatever
-stale-mushed-snack-I-could-manage-to-dig-out-of-the-bottom-of-my-bag club, or whatever... I'd like to go up to every woman I've ever seen in an awkward child-induced scenario and pat her on the back and say, "hey, I'm in that club too."  In fact, I think I'm the president. 

overstimulation

oh the woe of overstimulation....I'm talking about me here, not the kids.  I'd love to have someone sweep me up in their arms about now, whisk me out of a busy room, rock me for a moment and place me in a comfy bed for some quiet time and a nice nap. Kids don't know how great they've got it.  I could totally melt down right now and because I'm an adult and not a cherubic 2 year old everyone would be shocked, think I was crazy and might need a stint in an asylum but I'd still probably have to make blueberry pancakes for breakfast before everyone was ready to leave the house on the way to my committal. 
Okay....that's a bit of exaggeration. I love having family here, I was just already overstimulated before they got here.  My fix?  Five minutes locked away in my room so that I can blog.  Now I'm going to go take a shower.  After...blueberry pancakes.  Skip the asylum. 

overheard

I overheard this conversation while my 4 yr. old was playing with some toys...it just cracked me up!

"Cows in the jungle?"
"I don't see any cows in the jungle"
"that's because cows don't live in the jungle, city kid!"

automatic flushers

Have you ever noticed that the automatic flush for public restrooms wasn't really designed with kids in mind?  I can't tell you how many times I've taken one of my girls into a public stall and had the toilet flush while they are still sitting there only to scare the jeepers out of them! Since they aren't quite tall enough yet, the sensor sometimes thinks they've left even when they haven't.  And then there is the added situation of it never flushing at all because it never sensed them in the first place, which doesn't matter quite so much because there is the little manual button.  Still, you should see the startled look in their eyes when they are sitting there peacefully taking care of business and suddenly, without warning, there comes the thundering Niagara Falls-noise of the super-powered public flush and occasionally a slight sprinkle from the upsurge. I think it has happened enough times now that they are getting used to it - they don't seem to instinctively leap away in terror anymore :)  I've tried standing there directly in front of them in order to fool the sensor, but inevitably they can't reach the toilet paper and so when I lean over to help - you got it - flush!

Exposing myself

When my sister started her blog in 2007, she included a few posts called "mama exposed."  The idea was to expose some of her imperfections - the fish that were swimming in murky tanks, the messy closets she couldn't get to, etc....   I think that we all have things that we'd rather not advertise because we want to appear to be good moms who have it all together.  But the reality of being a mom is that there is always something difficult, something we can't get to, somewhere that things are falling apart a little bit (or a lot), something we feel that we don't want to admit because we'd seem like terrible moms.  Little by little, I'm going to unveil some of those things in my life for you to take a peek at. Why? Just keepin' it real. As my husband is fond of pointing out; life is messy. (not just in the organizational sense)  Maybe you can relate and we can laugh a little.  Keep an eye out for "mama exposed."

            Here is a recent family photo: I love the looks on the girls faces - Hope is modeling the "life is perfect" fake mom-face, and Maddie is modeling the "mama exposed" face (not planned...just thought it was cute!)

Boys vs. Girls

Got this quote from Heather down in the ATL who got it from another friend Pat who got it from another hilarious blog...and so I'm passing it on, because yup, it's so true.....

"When you have a boy, you have to worry about one boy on the planet. When you have a girl, you have to worry about every boy on the planet."

Postcards from yo mama!

My hysterically funny and super smart friend Ally directed me towards this site - Postcards from yo mama!  As we are all appreciating mothers this Mother's Day, I know you'll enjoy appreciating all the funny ways moms express themselves.  This is a collection of email and IM messages that people's moms sent to them and that, for humor's sake, they then posted at this site.  "Moms" random and charming thoughts on life and love are truly funny - and (just as Ally said to me) while some of the humor can be a little blue, I find them totally endearing!

when preschoolers paint....

I love to let the girls paint, but their creativity and interest seem to stretch beyond the boundaries of the paper.  Somehow it always ends up like this.  No, I take that back - because this isn't where it ended.  I failed to get pictures of them using each other as full-body canvases shortly after this. I see their motive now in suggesting that they just paint in their underwear instead of donning their designated "painting" clothes.  No staying in the lines here......

4 yr old funnies

.....when Hope found that her spoon had been completely licked clean of brownie batter, she turned to her rather messy little sister.....

more quoteables

"Cleaning your house while your children are still growing,
is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing."
- Mary Kay Blakely

"Every child is born an artist.
The challenge is to remain one once he grows up."
- Picasso

"To a child, love is a four-letter word:
T-I-M-E."
- Dr. Cindy Nurik

"A mother never stands so tall as when she bends down
to help her child."
- unknown

"There are two lasting bequests we can give our children.
One is roots, the other is wings."
- Hodding Carter, Jr.

quotable, part 1

" To be a good housewife and mother, you have to be more self-generated.  You have to create your own playground of the imagination, and the mind.  To be a really good, creative mother you have to be an extraordinary woman.  You have to keep yourself involved with your child during great periods of the day when it's just the two of you and you feel that at any moment you may literally go out of your mind."
- Meryl Streep

"Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brains."
- Martin Mull

A former first lady said,
" You know, at the end of your life, you will never regret not having vacuumed the living room, not having made the bed or not ironing one more shirt.  But you will regret times not spend with a husband, a friend, a parent, a child."

" A mother holds her children's hands for a little while, their hearts forever."
-unknown

A morning in the life of mom

Got this email from a dear friend of mine (who will remain anonymous) and I just had to share it with you.  Now this is authentic parenting!!!!

My day so far-besides starting the day sick with my congestion and a significant cough:

9:00 let the hooligans out of their rooms, both arguing about what they won’t wear

9:15 breakfast

9:30 While I’m on phone with doctor’s office on hold for a bill I already paid for and have the receipt for, Baby Girl dumps bowl of milk on top of her hair. Despite quick attempts to wash it out, it is currently sticking straight up and has the consistency of straw. While cleaning that up, Little Boy stands on the fireplace and projectile spits an entire mouthful of milk all over the floor and carpet. I never did get through to the doctor’s since I had to get off the phone to deal with the kids.

 

The rest of the exact times are a blur now, it’s 11:30 currently:

 

-My mom calls. The cordless phone dies. I plug in the other phone. While plugging in other phone, Baby Girl pulls out the craft box. Little Boy finds the red glitter glue and spreads it all over the tv screen, couch, fireplace, children’s chairs and coffee table(in mere seconds). After cleaning that up and disciplining him, I call my husband to also give Little Boy a talking to. For the two minutes on the phone with my husband, Little Boy walks over to the corner and pees on the carpet. While I get off the phone and deal with him climbing on the dresser and peeing, Baby Girl takes out every beauty product and medication from under the sink. After I secure Baby Girl, Little Boy goes into the living room and dumps a glass full of milk on the floor(supposedly by accident). I decide at this point that I need coffee so we have a few serene minutes while Little Boy and Baby Girl help me make coffee. While I set up our craft, I realize Little Boy had misplaced a major piece of the craft in his morning dealings. I tell him to find it and he sweetly asks for help. While I help to look for it, he takes the opportunity to spray Windex from the entertainment center, still there from cleaning up the glitter glue, into my coffee and into Baby Girl’s eyes in one foul swoop. At this point, I put him in his room to think about his actions and locked the door, taking care of Baby Girl. I go pour a second cup of coffee. Upon taking it out of the microwave, I somehow lost hold of it, spilled hot coffee on every piece of clothing I had on and broke my favorite mug(however, glad to not spill it on Baby Girl). At this point I gave up and am writing this email! I’m still trying to decide if its in Little Boy’s best interest for survival to let him out of his room…

Easter Bunny? yeah right.

While Hope is fully willing to believe in Santa Claus, she's apparently a little too astute for a bunny who delivers colorful eggs and candy.  Here is the simple straightforward conversation we had recently - out of the blue, Hope asks:
"mom, is there really no Easter Bunny, right?"
me: "well, yes, not really"
Hope: "then who puts the stuff in my Easter basket?"
me: "well, who knows what kind of stuff you like?"
Hope: "you and daddy."
me: "yes."
Hope: contently "okay then."
So much for childhood fables, my girl is a realist.

Daddy Gymnastics

Oh the fun things daddy's are good for!

Rubber Ducky 101 week - lesson five

When choosing the perfect rubber ducky for your child:
Say yes to Dr. duck and superhero duck:

Say no to Bill Clinton:

Rubber Ducky 101 week - lesson four

When choosing the perfect rubber ducky for your child:
Say yes to designer ducks:

Say no to religious ducks (no offense here):

Rubber Ducky 101 week - lesson three

When choosing the perfect rubber ducky for your child -
Say yes to fun-loving party ducks

Say no to Kiss and Scream ducks

Rubber Ducky 101 week - lesson two

When choosing the perfect rubber ducky for your child:
Say yes to cool guitar-playing ducks

Say no to Ozzy and SnoopDog

Rubber Ducky 101 week - lesson one

When choosing the perfect rubber ducky for your child:
Say yes to Pink Ribbon and Camo ducks:

Say no to lingerie and PMS ducks:

suction-cup hands

Now there's an idea!  Wouldn't it be great if with the birth of your children, your palms suddenly developed certain powerful suction abilities?  That kiddo with the jelly-legs who refuses to come along with you - one reflexive movement by mom and SCHMOCK! stuck - no more wrestling with squirmy spaghetti limbs! The toddler who got into the chocolate syrup or the gooey honey or the mud puddle out back? SCHMOCK! rendered immobile and held free from gooping their mess all over mom's skin and clothes and the floor and the hallway and the stairs until safely released within the confines of the bathtub.  Got two squabblers? SCHMOCK! SCHMOCK! held apart by moms arm length until certain discipline can be administered.  Got a runaway? One who likes to dart at the moment you are communicating instructions? or step off the curb into traffic? SCHMOCK! stopped in their tracks! SCHMOCK! SCHMOCK! SCHMOCK! Oh, I like the sound of that! There are times when that would really come in handy!

Adagio for Elmo

I love the sense of humor of my friends - thanks to the Murphy's for this one!

budding entreprenuer?

My 4 year old and I at the sink last night while brushing her hair before bed:
Hope: (holding her toothbrush with the Dora picture on it) Mommy, I think I know how they make these
Me: really, how?
Hope: they take the Dora band-aids and stick them on the handle of the toothbrush
Me: like a sticker?
Hope: yeah
Me: that's good reasoning, Hope, it does look a bit like a sticker on the handle, doesn't it?.....
Hope: Can we make one?
Me: a toothbrush?
Hope: yeah, get a toothbrush and put the band-aids on it, make it ourselves
Me: sure we can do that, but we might want to choose stickers instead
Hope: no, it's band-aids and I want Barbie ones.  Then we can put the Barbie band-aids on the toothbrushes
to make our own and then we can take them to the store for other people
Me: That's a good idea, but it doesn't work exactly like that, I don't think the store will buy them from 
us.  Although, maybe as you get a bit older you will come up with some special creation that you can 
actually sell in a store, how would that be?
Hope: yeah, but can we just make a Barbie band-aid toothbrush? please?

what would Super Mom wear?

Today is a busy day for me as I juggle some much needed cleaning, taking care of my kids, doing some repairs around the house, planning dinner, planning a get-together tomorrow, and et cetera, et cetera....  Still I haven't managed to get a shower, get dressed or do anything with my hair.  So, I'm thinking it would be really nice on days like this when I already have to call on all my super mom powers if I could just rip off my outer wear and voila! Spiffy super mom uniform revealed! - and like the glowing-faced, toned super hero that I am not, I then can fly effortlessly away to my chores and superb parenting skills at least looking pulled together and like I'm actually ready for my job today.  So tell me, what would your Super Mom uniform look like?

instructions on caring for baby - humorous

Got these from this site (which is all in Russian, so I have no idea really what it is), where I was directed by my good (and also Russian) friend Lena.