Ask RESTONMOM - 11/12/07

Dear Restonmom,
"I wondered how far apart your girls were, and if you had any good thoughts on what to think about when adding to your family with a second child. My husband and I in the process of making that decision and trying to think of that issue from every angle!" - B. K.

Dear B.K.,
My girls are EXACTLY two years apart - in fact they will celebrate their birthdays on the 12th and 13th of this month. I don't think anyone can tell you what is going to be best for you and I don't think you can be totally prepared. What I can tell you from my own experience is this: having a newborn and a two-year-old is challenging no matter how great your kids are. Having a two-year old and a four-year old is challenging no matter how great your kids are.  Having them any closer together just increases the challenge.  And having more than one child is just inconvenient in general (as in, how do you fit two kids plus groceries in a cart?)  But, I love the way my girls play together now, the sister moments they have.  I love that their interests still overlap a bit and that I can sweep them both up in my arms at the same time (at least for a moment). Spreading them out a bit may have given me a bit more sanity at times and who knows what things will be like when they are both teenagers....but for us, two years difference is great and we are totally enjoying it!  When you want another baby, just do it.  That's the best time - any child who is brought into this world because they were really wanted to be there by their parents and loved no matter what, has it made.  Regarless of timing, it will bring both challenges and unique blessings.  I don't think there is any perfect time - whether financially, emotionally, or whatever.  Just be ready to give your heart away one more time - it is so amazing the way you can love more than one child at the same time and love them both so completely. But I will say this....having a second really changes things.  It pulls your attention away from the first sometimes, and you can't avoid that.  And, the second never gets the one-on-one time you have had with the first, either.  It's not necessarily a bad thing, just different. So whatever you do, make sure to really enjoy these moments when you only have the one, they are special and you'll never forget them.

Comments

[Jennifer]

I would love to add to this. I have four kids: first two are one month short of 3 years apart, second and third are 20 months apart, third and forth are 3 years and 9 months apart. (we finally decided God's plan works best so we waited on him)
Number 3 came unexpectedly, I was still nursing number 2 when she was concieved. Even though it wasn't our plan, God had a surprise for us. I would not change a thing. They are in 7th and 8th grade now. When they were little they totally entertained eachother. They are polar opposites these days, one all sports and loves outdoors, the other lots of music and prefers to be inside away from the bugs. The bond these days isn't as strong as it was when they were little but I can see it building as they get older (more mature) and I pray that they are best friends out of HS.
Smiles!

[Amanda]

I have 19 month boy/girl twins and just found out I'm 5 weeks pregnant! That will put my twins at 29 months (just over 2) when this new one is born! Having had 2 to start with, I agree with Tricia about being able to love them both! It's been so fun having these two and I'm looking forward (anxiously and nervously) about a third one being thrown into the mix! Time to upgrade the automobile!

[Linda]

My kids are a little less than 16 months apart. Having them close is not for everyone and I wouldn't do it again. BUT I would say I now love having my kids close in age. My son is 3 1/2 and many of my friends have just had their second with a 3-year old. For us, my kids are finally old enough to play together most of the time. It was a VERY hard 18 months though after the little one was born and even while I was pg with her. Imagine being pregnant with a 7-month old! But the payoff has come now. I love it.

[tricia]

Congratulations to you Amanda!