Hi, I'm Tricia.

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Thank you so much for sharing that, Tricia - that was really brave of you. And I want you to know that you are absolutely not alone in this regard. I think you'd be very surprised to find how many women (and men) have thoughts along those lines every single day. I know this, because I do the exact same thing. I was wondering - did you have a tragedy in your life? Because for me, it didn't start in earnest until after my father died. Suddenly I was besieged (and continue to be besieged) by all of the thoughts you mentioned, especially in regards to the possibility of losing my husband. It took a while for me to figure out that by playing these "scenarios" out in my head, I was trying to prepare myself for the devastating hurt I was positive was going to befall me again. Like somehow if I could prepare, it wouldn't hurt as much if it actually happened. Of course, you can never really do that, and all it does it make you feel horrible about having those thoughts in the first place.
It's one of those things where it becomes a double-whammy, because I also realized that by doing this, I was saying "God, I trust you with 99% of my life, but this 1%, I just can't let go to you." I struggle with it on a regular basis - just trusting and letting go. Luckily, I have talked to several women in my life who also feel the same way, and struggle with it just like we do. It makes me feel so much better that I'm not really "cracked" - because if left alone too long with my thoughts, that's probably the conclusion I'd come to about myself.


Fears aren't funny, but your bridge story did remind me of something that makes me laugh. Whenever I'm in the car with my mother and we start to cross a bridge, she takes her seatbelt off and makes everyone crack the windows, just in case the bridge collapses and we need to get out. :)

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