Reston Mom

mama exposed - veins

I suppose we all know our own flaws, have our own insecurities.  

I've never had long, lovely legs.  That's not really so bad.  My legs are strong and I've always been thankful for them - even though they are short and "sturdy."  

Nevertheless, over time - and specifically over the course of 4 pregnancies, I've developed what is not an uncommon - but still unsightly - occurrence, which makes me that much more self-conscious.   Spider veins. They are scattered here and there and actually if I had a tan and wasn't so blindingly white at the moment, then they wouldn't be too bothersome.  However, I can't say the same for the bulging vericose veins.  It started with Hope and has gotten progressively worse with each pregnancy.  

I just bought some shorts I really like and that are comfortable and were a great maternity find. They should keep me through the summer and on vacation - but I almost hate to bare my legs.  

I realize that that is silly and a bit self preoccupied.  And yet, the stretch marks I gained from 3 pregnancies don't bother me nearly as much.  I also realize that it is pretty common and there are surgical treatments, but it's doubtful that I'm going to spend money on that.  I'm also not going to wear support hose in the summer to try to help it either.  

So what's a girl to do?  I guess just confess to myself and the rest of the world that neither physically or in any other way am I perfect and then get on with life.

Mama exposed - vacuum bags

I love my vacuum.  I really do, it works great.  I also love to vacuum, it is by far my favorite chore.  I was a little sad the other day when I realized that it wasn't sucking too well anymore.  I noticed it first when I was trying to use the hose.  So, I poked around a bit and saw the clog in the tube.  No big deal.  It took one minute to clean it out and I was back up and running - except, still poor suction.  

In the meantime, we've been rearranging some rooms in the house - my husband used the vacuum to clean up a bit in one area.

Later that evening:

Matt: The vacuum wasn't sucking too well before.

Me: Oh yeah.  I know.  I had meant to mention that to you.  I noticed it with the hose.  I cleaned it out but it still wasn't working too well.

Matt (smiling): That's because the vacuum bag was so full it had overflowed into the hose.

Duh.  Why had I totally spaced on the fact that I needed to replace the bag?  That should have been the first thing I did....it looked like I should have done that say, back in January.  Oooooooops.  

The vacuum works great again. My brain? we'll see...

No comments about the Dyson please.  I love my vacuum. :)

mama exposed - bathroom reading

 My sister recently sent me a book titled "The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society."  I am enjoying it very much, it is certainly recommendable.  But here is the funny thing - and let me say that my insightful and experienced sister sent this book to me with understanding and intention that this was precisely what would happen - I keep it in my downstairs bathroom, which is currently my favorite reading place.  The book is composed as a collection of letters.  Whenever I manage to break away from everything else for a quick pee, I lock the door and read one letter.  Occasionally I do this to the complete neglect of a screaming child, I admit.  I'm really only in there a very short time, but it is like a mini-retreat - a tiny vacation.  It is just a moment away from the hustle and bustle of being mom for a quick journey across the Atlantic into the thoughtful lives of other adults at another time in history.  Ahhh.  You don't know what a grand effect this distraction has on my sanity, this brief walk of my imagination into another world.  

I know for a fact that I am not the only mother who has taken refuge in the bathroom from time to time. Where else is there the same privacy (if you are lucky enough to get it even there with small children around)? And these days my time to sit with a book is limited and I just absolutely can't stand to not finish a chapter (I'm quite neurotic about it actually).  So the layout of this book is perfect for me right now.  The only problem is, I'm going to finish it before too long.  Anyone have any other great recommendations for me of a book like this or with very short chapters?  It is quickly becoming a must have!

Mama exposed - day two, same clothes

Here is my confession:  It is 6:30 pm as I write this.  I am wearing some sweat shorts and a t-shirt.  The SAME shorts and shirt that I wore yesterday...also I slept in this t-shirt last night too. And yes, I did go out into public today (albeit just grocery shopping - where I did see someone that I knew).  Neither have I touched my hair with a brush - I just whipped it into a ponytail this morning.  Well...I guess some days (hopefully not too many) are just like that.  But now, it's time for a shower and a fresh outfit.  

mama exposed - biting baby nails

I know all the reasons why this is not such a good idea...nevertheless, I often just can't help myself.  I've been known to do this with all three of my kids when they were tiny babies.  The thing is, I just never really remember to cut Ami's nails until she's nursing and I feel their sharp tips graze against me.  And even if I did remember, babies nails grow at twice the rate of our own and so I can barely keep up anyway.  Since they are so paper thin and since the baby is otherwise engaged, it is just too easy to gently take hold of that little hand and clip her nails with my teeth.  

Mama Exposed - plastic bags

Okay - I really want to stop contributing to the landfills and be consciously caring for the earth, honestly I do.  I own some reusable grocery bags, but gosh darn it I just can't remember to bring them with me or to bring them into the store.  So, I always end up with truckloads of plastic bags.  Still, our grocery store does collect them back for recycling - so at least I can go one step towards keeping them out of the landfills.  Except...well, I can't ever remember to take those with me to the grocery store either.  So, instead I end up with this on my basement stairs and let me tell you, there are about a billion bags stuffed into each one of those bundles! My girls are going to have to add another R to the 3 R's of reduce, reuse, recycle... rat? as in pack rat!

Mama Exposed - phantom fish

One word about our fish tank - neglected.  

There is actually a fish in there - you can never see it right now though because it is kind of a pale silvery color which disappears behind the veil of algae scum.  But trust me, it's there, like a phantom fish. I feed it every night, although to be quite honest, it wouldn't hurt my feelings or my husband's if the fish happened to die.  The tank is nasty, but I don't want to clean it. 

mama exposed - whatever you like, kid.

At this very moment, my 5 and 3 yr olds are outside in the cold wearing skirts and bare feet.  They also have ALL of their Easter candy (jelly beans and miniature chocolate bunnies) with them and have been steadily ingesting them to the detriment of clean hands and faces and healthy bodies. Their faces and extremeties are pink and frosty and they probably won't eat any dinner either.  They are totally going to end up sick, aren't they.  I'm letting them carry on anyway, for as long as they want.  

Mama Exposed - a dentist's nightmare

Okay, so you've probably done this too and it isn't really that bad, but I can't help but feel a little bit guilty anyway.

First, I was too tired to care about dinner last night so my gracious husband picked up some Chinese food.  This means that my daughters' teeth were surely covered in that sticky sugary sauce that coats their favorite - sesame chicken.

Then we were all so tired after dinner that we all promptly fell asleep in the living room.  When Matt and I stirred again, it was near to the girls' regular bedtime.

So, of course, we just carried them up to bed.  Clothes and all, they slept through the night.  Easiest bedtime ever.  But...

oh their teeth!  poor little unbrushed, sugar coated teeth!

Ugh.

Well, I hope they aren't prone to cavities.  One night really can't be that bad, can it?

mama exposed - 9

Here are a few more confessions from my daily life - our kitchen:

I let my kids eat food that has fallen on the floor.  Generally I only let this slide in our own home, which may not really be any more sanitary - but for a little disclaimer, I don't usually let them eat food that has fallen outside or in public places.  Still, if my kid dumps her cup of dry cereal on our floor, she'll probably still eat it after she cleans it up for example.  There are probably a lot worse examples, but right now we don't have any pets and I keep things relatively clean, so go ahead girls - if you want it, have at it, I'd rather not waste it.  I do the same thing myself.

I know all the rules about bacteria and stuff, but I still have my girls put their unfinished cups of milk into the refrigerator.  Milk is expensive and my girls drink a lot of it.  So, if they don't finish - into the fridge it goes to be enjoyed later, backwash and all.  The nice thing about this is (and they do this with water too because they are obsessive about their water being cold) that whenever they are thirsty, they don't bug me - they just open the fridge and drink whatever is in their cup.  At least this means that a cup of milk in not often in there more than 24 hours if ever even lasting that long.  And, it seems better to me than luke-warm sippy cups of milk lying around the house - which is not uncommon to families with toddlers. The girls stay hydrated, we waste less, and I'm happy.

I keep the left-over half eaten bananas too.  Occasionally my girls won't finish a banana.  So, I take it and cut off the end where they have bitten into it.  Then I slice it up and put it into a container in the freezer. Again, I just don't like to waste it.  Frozen banana coins are really yummy - I'd rather eat banana that way.  But, most of the time they get tossed into smoothies.  If they ever didn't get eaten, maybe I'd defrost them and make banana bread, but I just can't make myself throw out a perfectly good portion of banana.

Mama exposed - preggo and tired

  It is nearly 3:30 pm and here I am - mug shot appropriate.  I haven't showered today, done anything with my hair, applied anything; not make-up - not even chapstick.  I'm still in my pj's - well, the only clean clothes I could find last night that were comfortable...which boils down to an old pair of bottoms complete with paint from an old job, white socks, and a maternity tank I dug out from my last pregnancy since I was feeling stuffy.  There's a big zit on my chin (thank you hormones!), a giant unexplainable bruise in the crook of my right arm from a relatively painless and simple drawing of blood last Friday, a wan paleness to my complexion, and a notable tiredness in my eyes.  

 I haven't been entirely lazy today. After all, we're two meals down and a morning of home-schooling...but I didn't make it grocery shopping, there's a ton of laundry to do and I have resolved to ask my husband to run out and get us something, anything, to suffice as dinner tonight.  As afternoon has approached, I'm totally unable to pull myself together.  Let's just say, I'm done.  Some days I can go and go, but other days this pregnancy just hits me upside the head and says, "too bad. you're done. sit down. stop."  And, frankly, I don't have much choice.  If I even try to do anything, I end up wandering around wondering what to do and unmotivated to actually do anything.  My brain and my body are cohorting against me (well, probably for me) to just shut down and chill.  So, the girls are camped out in front of a video and there are toys everywhere and an hour and a half still until my husband gets off work.  And...I'm done.  Done for the whole day already. Everybody to their own, mama's off the clock.  Somedays are just like that.  It's a good thing, I guess, because otherwise I'm unlikely to slow down very often.

By the way, I'm finally starting to feel BIG.  I've hit that mark where the belly seems so big, but you just know there is still a way to go - except for my belly button which cannot be flipped out any further than it already is.  It's not a pretty picture, but here's the belly as we hit third trimester.

Mama Exposed 7

To deal with life we create systems...little routines that get things done.  Some of my systems are really great, some are really terrible and then there are those that actually work just fine but were developed out of necessity breeding a bad habit and desperately need reworked. Mine is dishrags.  I refuse to use sponges in my kitchen, but rather choose wash rags for dishes and wiping down surfaces.  Each rag only lasts about a day (sometimes less) and is replaced the next morning and sent to the wash.
Enter: the basement. 
First let me apprise you of the situation: unfinished, dark, prone to crickets, featuring the laundry machines at one far end, a mixture of random musical equipment/stage equipment at the far opposite end, and every bit wall shelving and floor space between the two collecting storage items, tools, craft materials, donation items, etc... It is a place I would never let you see, already a catch-all, unwelcoming space it's worth another "mama exposed" post in and of itself.  The door is located just outside my kitchen.  Therefore, when a kitchen rag gets smelly or in need of washing, I inevitably just open up the door and throw it on the stairs because I don't want to walk all the way down and over to the laundry for one silly rag.  The next time I go down, I pick up the rags and bring them with me.  So, as often as not, there is some dirty, nasty rag sitting on the basement steps.  Even I am grossed out by this, but it's become such a habit and it works, so I haven't re-worked the system.
I need some suggestions: It's not acceptable to leave the rag upstairs because they get smelly and I like to wash them frequently.  If I put a bucket or something on the stairs, then I am less likely to take the rags down and wash them as frequently, I'll wait until the bucket is full and by then the odor is overwhelming.  I don't want to commit to disposable rags because of cost effectiveness and environmental friendliness. I can't seem to break out of this disgusting rut.  Any ideas? 

Mama Exposed 6

I have always loved children's books and had started a collection before my children were even thought about...so it wasn't very difficult for The Children's Book of the Month Club to sucker me in when Hope was born.  It seemed like a great deal...and if you're going to be buying books anyway, it really was.  The problem is that they just automatically send you each month's "selection" unless you decline it.  I've never just let them send me stuff and then payed for it each month...I've been more selective over time.  But, eventually I started to lose interest in the club and began doing things differently.  However, I never did actually quit my membership.  So, for a couple of years now I've been declining each month's selection and haven't bought a single book from them.  My only relationship with the club right now is my monthly decline. Occasionally I forget and then a box of books arrives on my doorstep and I take them to the post office and send them back so I won't have to pay for them (because it's usually board books that are too young for my kids now anyway).  You'd think I'd either make better use of this or else just go ahead and quit my membership - except that in buying books you earn "treasure points" which as they accrue can mean big discounts.  I've got 7 treasure points.  It's those stupid seven points that have kept me from severing my ties for so long.  I guess I keep thinking I'll redeem them and then quit.  But I never do.  I just add one more ridiculous thing to my list of things to do each month instead of simplifying.  Well, I'm quitting today. 

Mama Exposed 5

Okay, I'm going to just admit it; I don't always like playing with my kids.  In fact, I'm pretty terrible at it. I just have such a difficult time sitting there on the carpet trying to be entertained by Candyland or Legos or babydolls.  Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore my children.  I love to watch them and to be around them...but so often I'm just tired and not feeling creative or frankly, my adult brain is just not thoroughly engaged by the interests of a 2 and a 4 yr. old. And, as often as not, I'm simply distracted.  I often find that my play time with the girls is forced and not as enthusiastic is it maybe should be.  I do make time to do this because I'm trying to make the most of my time with them.  I know that someday they will no longer come to me to ask if I will play, and I will miss that.  But it isn't always easy and it isn't always what I feel I'd rather be doing.  I think that this is probably normal to some degree, and I would wager that a lot of moms probably feel pretty guilty about this.  There are days when, though I am a stay-at-home-mom, I realize at the end of the day that I didn't really play with my kids at all.  They sort of played around me or near me, but I wasn't particularly engaged with them as I went about my daily chores or whatever...and I think about how I missed another day when I could have made the most of enjoying my children and somehow I feel that I've let them down and myself down, and in a way I have.  Then there are days when I actually do play with them...but I'm not really engaged and they practically have to drag it out of me - and then I feel guilty about that one too because I don't want to communicate to them that they aren't important or other things deserve my time more or that I don't want to play with them.  Because really I do, I want to be the kind of parent that can get lost in play for hours with my kids.  I'm working on that...and occasionally, we do manage to really play together and I enjoy it and receive it as a gift.  This is all some weird balancing trick that I haven't got the hang of yet and by the time I do, it will probably be too late.  I suppose that is why my children's grandmothers have no problem just playing with them. 

Mama Exposed, 4

I got disgustingly tired of the lack of organization which once was my hall closet - especially the mountain of shoes that congregated in the bottom.  So eventually I bought a 4-drawer plastic storage container.  It has two large drawers on the bottom and two shallow drawers at the top.  Each of my girls is designated one of the large bottom drawers to contain their shoes.  This has been tremendously helpful! It makes it so much easier for them to locate their shoes and to put them away.  And, they are stored near the front door which is very convenient.  The very top shallow drawer holds sun hats and sunglasses and things like that. But the second shallow drawer holds all the kids' socks.  And here is where this solution either turns brilliant or totally breaks down.  Storing the socks right next to the shoes and right near where shoes are put on and taken off is perhaps one of the smartest organizational things I've done.  However, I just have the girls put the socks back in the drawer after they've worn them.  Yup - that's right.  Not into the laundry, but back in the drawer to be re-worn probably several times (unless they are truly noticeably grungy or really sweaty).  Then, every so often when I realize that the socks are looking a bit dingy, I just empty the drawer into the washer and wash them all at the same time.  Thus, I do not have to chase after stray socks or dig them out of the larger laundry, they do not wind up on the floor or lost.  So, my kids may not be wearing the cleanest socks around town all the time, but it definitely does buy me a little more sanity. 

Mama Exposed, 3

Oh for shame!  I'm feeling embarrassed about this one.  All of my long-time friends who know me well as a clean-freak are going to point their fingers at me and scream HA! We've got her!  Here's my literally "dirty" confession.  The shower stall in our master bedroom - so neglected, so gross! (if you could only see me cringing...)  For some reason, this hidden area - kept to my husband and I alone, seems to be last for my attention. It has some mildew issues to say the least. It could be helped a small amount with a lot of bleach, but my attitude towards it has become pretty flippant.  I've given up because really the grout around the bottom just needs to be ripped out and replaced.  This is a small project for my husband and I that just keeps getting put off.  Meanwhile, it's disgusting (I can see your noses wrinkling) but it's the reality of jugging a lot of balls...well, this one got dropped.   Ew!   The good thing about writing these posts is that it's forcing me to deal with this.   

Mama Exposed, 2

Boy am I glad that the thoughts in my head aren't exposed to everyone else.  While it's true that sometimes my external world (my home) is a mess, it's also true that my internal world is sometimes a mess too.  For example, one thing that I have always struggled with is fearful thinking.  At times I have been obsessed with the "what if's" in life - the biggest "what if?" being, "what if I get (emotionally) hurt in a way I'm not sure I can recover from?" ....like, what if one of my children dies? And I have followed my brain down painful trains of thought so much that I wondered sometimes if I might like the feeling of pain...why else does my brain seek this and dwell on it?  This began when I was very young. One memory I have is as a preteen I lived around lots of water and had to cross bridges frequently.  Every time we drove across, I made plans of escape for "what if the car should suddenly crash over the edge?"  I have dreamed up scenarios involving break-ins, tragic accidents...you name it, from the ridiculous to the horrifying, I have cried about things that never happened and wondered what my threshold would really be. I am not paranoid in the least bit, nor do I have anxiety.  What I have is a need to be in control - and that includes being in control of my most deep, desperate, savage emotions. 
I would absolutely be a basket case if not for my own faith in the God of the Bible, who I believe is good, able and trustworthy to be in control of the things that are beyond my own control - both around me and inside of me.  That faith has kept me from driving myself crazy...but there are still lots of things going on up in here that need some serious work.  Maybe I'll share some more later.

Mama Exposed, 1

I'm easing myself into this.  In Sept. 2006, I wrote the following post:

Things I swore I'd never do, and did anyway:

1. Let my kids watch TV
2. Use a pacifier
3. Allow my child to eat chips or fries and call it a meal
4. Lose my temper, snap or yell
5. Use a bribe to get my own way
6. Tell my daughter "I can't play right now."
7. Give in to a temper tantrum

Oh well, once in a while we all do crazy things we wouldn't/shouldn't normally do, right? Anybody care to own up and add to the list?

 

Here's an addition:

Not-so-good-things that are oh-so-true:

1. I let my kids eat sugary treats.
2. I don't wash the sheets on the beds nearly enough.
3. I have put the underwear they were previously wearing back on the girls after a bath when there was zero clean laundry in the house - and I've done that myself before too.
4. I have let the girls eat food that fell on the floor.
5. I never wrote thank-you notes for my wedding gifts
6. I avoid answering phone calls (even of people I love, even when I have plenty of time to talk) simply because I hate talking on the phone

Okay, now that I've fessed up to a few humiliating things, you can see that I am capable of being both gross and disrespectful.  But wait....there will be more to come, this is just the tip of the iceburg :)

I'm easing myself into this.  In Sept. 2006, I wrote the following post:

Things I swore I'd never do, and did anyway:

1. Let my kids watch TV
2. Use a pacifier
3. Allow my child to eat chips or fries and call it a meal
4. Lose my temper, snap or yell
5. Use a bribe to get my own way
6. Tell my daughter "I can't play right now."
7. Give in to a temper tantrum

Oh well, once in a while we all do crazy things we wouldn't/shouldn't normally do, right? Anybody care to own up and add to the list?

 

Here's an addition:

Not-so-good-things that are oh-so-true:

1. I let my kids eat sugary treats.
2. I don't wash the sheets on the beds nearly enough.
3. I have put the underwear they were previously wearing back on the girls after a bath when there was zero clean laundry in the house - and I've done that myself before too.
4. I have let the girls eat food that fell on the floor.
5. I never wrote thank-you notes for my wedding gifts
6. I avoid answering phone calls (even of people I love, even when I have plenty of time to talk) simply because I hate talking on the phone

Okay, now that I've fessed up to a few humiliating things, you can see that I am capable of being both gross and disrespectful.  But wait....there will be more to come, this is just the tip of the iceburg :)

Exposing myself

When my sister started her blog in 2007, she included a few posts called "mama exposed."  The idea was to expose some of her imperfections - the fish that were swimming in murky tanks, the messy closets she couldn't get to, etc....   I think that we all have things that we'd rather not advertise because we want to appear to be good moms who have it all together.  But the reality of being a mom is that there is always something difficult, something we can't get to, somewhere that things are falling apart a little bit (or a lot), something we feel that we don't want to admit because we'd seem like terrible moms.  Little by little, I'm going to unveil some of those things in my life for you to take a peek at. Why? Just keepin' it real. As my husband is fond of pointing out; life is messy. (not just in the organizational sense)  Maybe you can relate and we can laugh a little.  Keep an eye out for "mama exposed."

            Here is a recent family photo: I love the looks on the girls faces - Hope is modeling the "life is perfect" fake mom-face, and Maddie is modeling the "mama exposed" face (not planned...just thought it was cute!)