Reston Mom

breastfeeding and Jesus

You can tell by the title that this may be a little bit of a strange post and there is some personal stuff in here that might be more than you want to know, but hang with me here for a moment.

After four babies, I feel like I could almost qualify to be a lactation consultant.  I can tell you about positioning the baby, correct and incorrect latching, nipple care, how to tell if the baby is really eating or just using you as a pacifier, avoiding the engorgement discomfort, etc...

And still, I spent a good portion of the first week in excruciating pain (at least every time Shep latched on). Apparently sometimes it doesn't matter what you do, tender skin is no match for a voracious little eater.  

I can see why some moms quit breastfeeding.  Really.  It is so hard to do something when you know it is going to physically hurt you.  Knowing that it is good for the baby and having the experience to know that it is very temporary does help.  But I confess that in the moments that Shepherd was drawing tears from my eyes while drawing out his dinner, that didn't feel like enough.

I'm beyond that point for the most part now and enjoying those times with Shepherd.  I made it through the tough moments by meditating on something amazing.  

From Phillipians 2 - Rather, He made himself nothing, by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness and being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death, even death on a cross.

Jesus suffered for my sins and for the sins of everyone - and he suffered pain unimaginable, both physically and emotionally.  Because of what He did, I will never have to know that kind of suffering.

But the thing is, He didn't have to.  He obeyed the Father's will.  He made himself nothing. He submitted himself to pain and suffering and death.  He chose this path because of his unfailing love for me.  And for you.  

And so I spent those moments focusing on this truth.  While I allowed myself to experience a little pain for the sake of the child I love, I pondered the great love which sent Jesus obediently to suffering more gravely and more undoing than I can ever know.  And I found solace there - in the knowledge that any bit of suffering I do here now is immensely slight in comparison to that which I have been saved from and that the truly overwhelming love I feel for the child in my arms is far less than the love God has shown for me.   

In that light, my pain was so small.  And placing myself there for the sake of a child I love became a joyful act and an unexpected special reminder.

Letting go a little at a time

Hope and Maddie have been spending the week with their grandparents.  I'm so happy for them - I think that having relationships with your grandparents is special.  I kind of missed out on that, and I'm thrilled that they won't have to.

But, I'm missing them.  I'm walking around thinking to myself that it feels kind of lonely around here - at least, very quiet.  And I'm thinking, am I going to be one of those empty nesters that sends their kids tearfully off to college and then doesn't know what to do with themselves?  I'm not, well yes to the tearful part, but not the other part.  That doesn't stop the question from running through my head though.

As a homeschooling mom, I have the privilege of spending a lot of time with my kids.  Not all of it is easy, but I really do relish it.  I love knowing them.  And, they are a very big part of my life right now.  I wouldn't say I'm dependent on them though or have some unhealthy reliance on them for my own personal satisfaction or happiness.  I just really like those kiddos.  

We raise our children to leave us.  I once heard a person say that, or I read it, or something like that. But it is true.  My intention has never been to hold on forever - I want my kids to go and chase their dreams and have their own families and fulfill whatever it is that God has planned for them.  

Sometimes letting go is not easy.  I think maybe it is a control thing.  Right now, I'm not in control of my children.  I can't be sure they are eating healthily or practicing good safety.  I can't be an extra set of eyes and ears and hands for them.  That is really uncomfortable. Not for them, but for my own vulnerable heart.

But, I have left them in the care of people whom I trust.  I know that my parents love my children and are able and willing to take extra good care of them.  

This is a small step of practice for the days ahead when my children will be grown and will leave my home to make their own.  Those days will be tearful, I'm sure, but happy tears.  I'll be releasing my kids totally to the care of the most trustworthy, most able, most loving One - the same God who has been trustworthy with my own life and even now watches, protects, and prepares my children in His grace.

I'm grateful that because of Him, I do not fear.  But, I'm also grateful for the chance to practice letting go a little here and there along the way - I like to think of the cutting of the apron strings less as a painful severance of a too-tight knot and more as a slow, gentle, peaceful loosening.  

comments on #4 from others

I don't see too many people around here with 4 kids or even three for that matter.  Four kids doesn't seem like that many to me - but certainly not every family would choose the same.   Nevertheless, I've already started to receive interesting comments about having a fourth.  Nothing really offensive - but commentary all the same.  

I was at a social event recently with my children and a lot of people I didn't know.  One woman said as she passed by, "you're brave," and then continued to kind of watch me throughout the rest of the time.  I didn't mind so much, but it is kind of strange to feel observed.  Another woman, upon realizing the new baby would be number four, simply chose to say, "wow."  And I also received the comment "...and you look so calm!" 

It makes me chuckle a bit.  The truth is that each of these kids is a huge blessing to our family and we love and are grateful for them all.  Life is busy, but if I'm overwhelmed by anything it is the grace of God who blesses us so richly and makes our family work and work well.  

I know that living in an area where the cost of living is so high, some people are simply wondering how we do it.  Well - we do it just like families did a long time ago.  My mom's best friend grew up in a house with 11 people and one bathroom.  So, can we fit four children in our townhouse? Yes, easily.  We share a lot, make reasonable decisions, and maintain grateful attitudes.  The kids have a great perspective on family and sharing life that goes beyond selfishness - in other words, we all - no matter how small - work together.  

I love our family.  We are all very excited about the new baby - even the kids can't wait to meet their new sibling.  

So, when I get interesting comments from other people - my mind and heart retort with "yes, sometimes even I can hardly believe how blessed I am!"

surprise! they actually do know what to do

While I was in our downstairs bathroom today, I noticed something.  The roll of toilet paper was on the roll backwards (under) as opposed to how I do it.  I'm a detail person and would never put it on that way myself, so it caught my attention.  I also remembered that yesterday, my 4 yr old called to me from that bathroom to say that she needed more toilet paper - to which I replied that there was another new roll in the room with her.  

I'm pretty sure that she replaced the roll herself.

That may not sound like much, but for a mom sometimes little things like this are HUGE.   

It means a couple of things:

- my four year old pays attention and can actually do things for herself and the family

- my four year old might be willing to do something responsible even when no one is looking

- I can now ask and expect my child to replace the roll if she uses the last of the previous roll and hold      her accountable for it

That is a lot to derive from this, you may think.  But every little indication of feeling of responsibility followed by a wee accomplishment are a big success for growing children and their parents.    

Especially since this is just a chore I tended to do mindlessly myself as needed and had not particularly applied any lessons to my children regarding.  Do you see?  She observed something and took the appropriate action completely upon herself.

Seems like a long post on something trivial, but if you are a parent then I think you know what I'm getting at.  So what wee accomplishment did your child do that amazed you recently?

it's really not as easy as it looks

My time is very limited these days - hence the less regularity with which I am posting.  It is interesting trying to move gracefully in and out of seasons of life, isn't it?  The one I find myself in now comes with a great number of challenges - though it is matched in number of joys and blessings.  So here is where I'm at:

I've got one kiddo who is in first grade, whom I am homeschooling.  Two children who are not school age yet (though one is preschool and I do activities with her) that I am caring for throughout the day.  Since we are at home, I have a house which quickly comes undone by toys, school materials, meal dishes, etc which are taken out and used throughout the day. Thus, there is a certain kind of chaos around here that is unevitable - and perhaps therefore not bad - but not altogether restful either.  On any given day of the week, I will remove myself from bed around 7 am and thereafter I will not sit down nor stop moving in general until about 7:30 pm.  I am always moving - even if we do sit to read some books, I will rearrange children, get up to help the baby or find the security item, turn pages, pull up a blanket.  MOVEMENT - that is the way to describe this season.  We are moving through it, always moving.  My daytime is filled with organizing, cleaning, teaching, instructing, disciplining, comforting, preparing, feeding, finding, leading, correcting, encouraging, more feeding, etc....  And my brain is moving in and out of all of my roles about as quickly as I am moving from one room to another.  And even so, my train of thought is constantly (and I do mean constantly) interrupted by one of three children calling out to me to help them, answer a question, direct them, soothe them...  

I am not complaining.  Despite the fact that at this stage - when I have several very young children to attend to - I have little room for other personal pursuits, I know that there will be plenty of time for that when they are a little older and the time does pass so quickly.  I have chosen this for us and I do not regret it - despite all the challenges, I ponder my decision to be a stay-at-home-mom and a homeschooler and I cannot for the life of me desire it to be any other way.  

So, I'm a little more tired these days and I find myself daydreaming about having a personal assistant and wondering when my brain is finally going to say "enough!".  I find I have to be very protective of our schedule and of my time with my husband.  Despite all the challenges, I find myself realizing how quickly the time really does go by and how very little time in general I will spend in this season - and I find that I would labor all the more if needed than trade the time I have with these little ones now.  This season is hard - I won't kid you, it is seriously very difficult.  But, it will pass into another very quickly.  Never, never, never again will I have these days back.  I find it very, very worth it all.  

11 Mistakes That We Make As Parents

Found this to be a pretty good article - quick read might be well worth it. 

journaling for parents

I've always been terrible at journaling.  I'm not the most outwardly emotive person and so writing things like that down just didn't ever really jive with me.  However, I do now keep a homeschooling/parenting journal.  I find that it helps me to really think things out and keep records which are helpful to me as my husband and I raise our children.  While I keep notes about teaching in there, I also make specific notes about the individual characteristics and needs of my kids as I learn them, as well as recording encouraging and inspiring things I've read, etc...  There are a lot of notes to self about ways that I am challenged or want to improve or things to be cognizant of as a parent.  Here is a recent entry for example - a brainstorm about instruction where I just recorded my stream of thought.

"Regarding instruction of children: reading Proverbs 16:21b "pleasant words promote instruction" NIV *like to look at other translations, further study

brings to mind the need to instruct -> teach -> disciple -> with firmness, clarity and passion but also with gentleness *fruit of the spirit, Galatians  instead of anger, frustration.  Yelling is a lack of self-control *fruit of the spirit, Galatians  It promotes embarrassment, shame, is demeaning and disrespectful.  It causes defensive behavior and thinking rather than softening the heart and opening the mind to receive. Yelling/threatening in word or tone or stance creates fear and retreat rather than motivation and advancement.

Yelling is not discipline, it is an adult temper tantrum because I am not getting what I want at that moment.

Yelling/being short or harsh is compounding a poor and weak manner of communicating with a prior failure in communication/instruction or accountability. 

Reminder: I cannot expect my children to meet behavioral expectations for which I have not instructed them or thereafter consistently held them accountable.  

Misbehavior:

*outside circumstances: tired, hungry, emotions: frustrated, jealous, fearful, etc...

*instruction: have I clearly communicated instructions or expectations? Do I need to do this again to ensure understanding?

*have I been consistent in my follow-through/accountability so that my children know that I absolutely mean what I say

*is my child being outright stubborn/rebellious? in which case I need to address a deeper issue than outer behavior -> heart, mind

love, gentleness does not equal passivity - loving discipline is active and intentional

passivity = no plan, no long term vision = kids in control = chaos

What is our discipline plan? (I have written about this elsewhere) Is this something I can consistently follow through with? is this something my husband/I are in agreement and consistent with?

help me with my shy girl

Were any of you shy as a child? Or do any of you have a shy child?  It is becoming more and more apparent to me that my Maddie is genuinely shy.  She is not socially awkward or anything - just truly shy.  For example, if we arrive at the playground and there is even one other child there, she might say to me "Mommy, there's someone here. I don't want to play."  After a little while she'll warm up though and play - especially if Hope or I go with her.  She's a funny girl with a really great personality - not a bit withdrawn around us, but it takes her a long while to warm up to other people.  Also, she does not like attention drawn to herself at all.  If you try to compliment her by saying something like "that was very nice of you" or "you look nice today" or "thanks so much for doing that"  she will tell you not to say anything, not to talk to her.  "Don't say it" she'll tell me.  

I just don't have any experience with this.  Any advice?  I'm wondering in what ways I should encourage her and in what ways not to press too hard.  If you were shy or have a shy child, do you have any advice on how to be helpful to her or what to be careful of?  Thanks.

This makes me mad...and sad.

Witness - the pole dance doll:

 

and Hollister's new suggestive line of T's for your TWEEN:

 

I'm speechless.

No actually, I have a whole heck of a lot to say.

But you probably already get it - I hope.

So I think I'll turn my energy instead towards raising my three daughters to know why this makes me mad...and sad.

Hooray for a sleep schedule!

Ami is finally on a good sleep schedule - I'm lovin' it!  Her bedtime is 7:30 along with her sisters and she takes a morning nap at about 9 and an afternoon nap at 1:30 (sometimes she catnaps in between a little bit).  I love, love, love, love it when I know I can just put the baby in her crib at the right time and she'll go to sleep.  

There are lots of books and opinions about when and how to get a baby on a sleep schedule, but I've never read any of them.  I just sort of stumbled onto doing it the way we do and gratefully it has always worked wonderfully for our children.  I don't have a magic secret or anything - but since the topic of sleep schedules seems to be of interest to tired moms everywhere, I figured I'd share if anyone could possibly dig out a nugget of helpfulness.

So here is what I do: nothing, really.  Except pay attention.  For a good while, I've let all of my babies just sleep whenever they needed to, not necessarily in the crib but wherever they were (tiny babies seem really good at that). It always happens that after a few months (I guess when they are old enough to have more awake time), a pattern starts to emerge naturally and usually looking like a loosely timed 3 naps during the day and a later bedtime - 10 or 9 o'clock.  Once I see this happen, I start to reinforce the schedule.  During the day I start watching for sleepy cues and regularly putting the baby to sleep in the crib and this somehow also works to gradually move the bedtime to an earlier time. Generally, since birth I would nurse the baby to sleep.  But, I gradually try to make sure that they are not deeply asleep when I put them in the crib.  Eventually, once the times are more set and they come to expect sleep at certain times, I can usually just put the baby in there and they go to sleep (given that other needs are already met, as in not being hungry).  So now, as I mentioned, I just put Ami in her crib at 9 am and 1:30 pm and 7:30 pm and she goes to sleep.  HOORAY!!!!!  It's always an important milestone for parental sanity!  

Of course, I have to say that individual temperaments probably come into play.  Maybe this wouldn't work for all kids - and it isn't guaranteed that Ami won't fight naptimes and bedtimes more as she gets a little older.  As long as she isn't hungry or too tired, Ami is a very content baby who rarely cries. So, more than patting myself on the back for anything I've done, I'm really just praising the Lord for blessing me with a happy, easy baby!

and then I shoved my 3 yr. old into the concrete...

Sounds pretty bad, huh.  Here is the story of today's bumbling accident:

On the way home from somewhere else, we needed to stop by the grocery store and Rite Aid - which happen to be located in the same center.  So I put Ami (in her carseat) into our snap n' go and we walked to the pharmacy. Therefore, we still had the stroller at the grocery store - and you should have seen us,\ with Hope pushing the stroller as I pushed the cart and Ami screaming because she was tired and a little hungry and Maddie screaming because she is three and hadn't had her nap yet.  I'm sure everyone in the store felt very sorry for me at the moment - but I was doing fine, until...

We leave the store, park the cart, and go to get the car.  Maddie is holding onto the stroller handle beside me because we are about to cross the street and I push the stroller over the curb not noticing that I chose the exact spot where the drain into the gutter is.  Suddenly one wheel of the stroller is caught in the opening and I feel myself and the stroller going over into the road and taking Maddie with us.  Without even thinking, I react.  And with a massive pump of adrenaline, I push Maddie off of the stroller to stop the momentum, keep her out of the road and to allow me to regain my balance - which luckily I do.  I then get the wheel out of the gutter and get us all back safely on the sidewalk so that I can pick up my screaming 3 yr. old who now has a bloody elbow from hitting the pavement.  And the baby of course is screaming along as I try to reassure Maddie - who is shocked that Mommy just shoved her into the concrete - that I really didn't mean to hurt her, but was trying to protect all of us from breaking our necks and getting run over by cars because actually I love her so very much - so you see, it's because I love you that I gave you a bloody elbow (thankfully not a bloody nose) and...oh well, let's just get the heck out of here! 

My saving grace is that by now I'm experienced enough with the whole mommy thing to know one very key fact: this will all be over soon.  "In twenty minutes," I tell myself, "Maddie will be napping, the baby will eat and sleep, and peace will ensue once again."  Thankfully, it was true.

Family Points Success = High Ho Cherry-O

A little while ago I wrote about the tactic we are using to teach our kids about "family is a team" - you can read about that here.  Well, we finally reached our goal of 25 family points - hooray!  So we went out together and chose High Ho Cherry-O to purchase and play together.  Now the girls are busy working towards another 25 points and the opportunity for our family to choose another game.  I feel like I have started to see the mentality of family and cooperation and team and selflessness reinforced in the actions of our girls.  We will continue with what we focused on a lot last round; helping eachother, creating a peaceful and orderly environment to live in together, and resolving their own sibling conflict peaceably.  I felt like the correlation between what we've been working on and the prize of fun family time together around a new game was appropriate and true to the lesson.  This was all a very experimental tool for teaching, but so far I'm pleased.

Note about High Ho Cherry-O - The girls really liked this game and it was easy enough that Maddie could play confidently too.  I must say though that it is terribly simple for adults (translation: zzzzz....booooring!) but short enough that it is over quickly - which isn't much help in our home since much like Candyland, that means we end up playing a gazillion rounds in a row until Mommy and Daddy can't stand it anymore.  We had a lot of fun playing it together though and that is what it was all about.  

strategies at home: family points

We're trying something new.  Every once in a while parenting calls for being a bit creative.  So we've started something called "family points" for our girls for a little while.  The basic idea is to teach them that being in a family is being part of a team and we all need to work together and think beyond just ourselves.

I have a running tally of points on our kitchen chalkboard.  The girls earn points by actions that benefit an orderly and peaceful home, likewise they lose points by actions that result in chaos or offense.  The reward of our "teamwork" (the goal right now being 25 pts.) is something fun for the family to do together - specifically, we get to go choose a board game to purchase and spend time playing together.

Some examples of ways the girls are earning points right now are clearing their dishes from the table after meals (something they already know they are supposed to do but occasionally still forget), tidying their areas (bedroom and playroom), resolving arguments peaceably, being helpful during outings (such as to the grocery store), helping each other and other family members, speaking with nice tones and politeness, etc...

I deduct points for failing in the areas I mentioned above and things like screaming, calling to me from all the way across the house, being rude, or when I have to clean up after them, etc.

So far so good.  We haven't reached our goal yet...the points go up and the points go down.  Might not work for everyone, but for us it seems to actually be helping the girls clue in on family as a team and seeing a bigger picture than just themselves.  

I'll let you know how it goes and when we get that new game!

some encouragement for moms

I haven't posted in a few days, mainly because I've been too busy being a wife and a mom.  That's not a complaint, I really do love those roles.  Sometimes, though, we all need a little encouragement.  Our role as mom is often less praised than a successful career or other recognition. And sometimes in the midst of the daily grind and the sometimes less-than-supportive messages from our culture, we can lose sight of the real value of our role as mothers.

Last week, my husband gave a great message on motherhood that I thought was insightful and encouraging, so I wanted to share it with you. Whether you are a Christian or not at all,  I really think that anyone who is a mom or who hopes to be would be very encouraged and uplifted by this.  

Because moms are awesome every day

I had read this before, but Mark Batterson reminded me of it with his Mother's Day post and I thought I'd share it with you just to remind all of you wonderful moms out there that you rock every day - not just on Mother's Day!

"When Tony Campolo was a professor at the University of Pennsylvania, his wife was a stay-at-home mom. At faculty functions, she'd invariably get asked what she did and she'd say she was a full-time mom. The reaction was always the same. She felt patronized by the intelligentsia so she redefined her role.

One night at one of the events someone asked her what she did and she said, "I am socializing two Homo Sapiens in the dominant values of the Judeo-Christian tradition in order that they might be instruments for the transformation of the social order into the teleologically prescribed utopia inherent in the eschaton."

She paused a moment and then asked, "And what is it that you do?"

Pace yourself

 Everything about parenting takes time.  Lots of time.

a thought on parenting

I've recently had some moments with the girls where I've been astounded by something they've done, like "really, how could you think that was okay?" "Where is your common sense?" kind of things.  And, right at that moment I've been so tempted to just blow up and be really, really angry with them (admittedly, a few times this is exactly what I've done).  So, I've had to remind myself of something and this is what I wrote in my homeschooling journal:

On Parenting: Remember, you can't hold your children to your expectations if you haven't

instructed/taught them first what you expect.  When you feel frustrated think "I need to 

parent this child right now, not punish them for something I didn't tell them was unacceptable."

and take a moment right then to teach them what is expected in the future instead of just 

blowing your top and yelling at them or being angry.  Of course, once you've instructed them, you 

must commit yourself to holding them accountable.  

Sometimes I just want to shout at them, "Don't you know better?"  and occasionally it fits that they should know better, but often I need to remember that this isn't a moment to crush them for not being perfect, but a grand opportunity to guide and teach them.  When my kids make me so mad, it is often just a demonstration to me of the areas in which I need to better address and parent my children.  

parents failing their children in discipline

Here is a short  article from the UK where teachers say that parents aren't doing their job at home and are relying on teachers to discipline their kids, among other pertinent comments.  I was wondering what your thoughts on this article are?

Having previously taught public school grades 4 - 12 for three years, I certainly have my own opinions.  I wasn't a parent at that time, however.  Now in addition, I have experience with just how much time and energy (especially energy) investment is indeed required for raising children.  I have such respect and admiration for teachers, I am glad to not be teaching at a public school currently and I am glad that there are those who are devoted to doing so.  

I'm surprised at how this simple little article stirs me - I seem to have a lot of strong opinions about my generation particularly, including how we are parenting our children.  Forgive me, but I really think my generation has some pretty serious problems.  That's a whole other post however...a whole other set of books. 

mama exposed - whatever you like, kid.

At this very moment, my 5 and 3 yr olds are outside in the cold wearing skirts and bare feet.  They also have ALL of their Easter candy (jelly beans and miniature chocolate bunnies) with them and have been steadily ingesting them to the detriment of clean hands and faces and healthy bodies. Their faces and extremeties are pink and frosty and they probably won't eat any dinner either.  They are totally going to end up sick, aren't they.  I'm letting them carry on anyway, for as long as they want.  

still more poop

Yes that's right - more poop!  Because I also have a three and a five year old.  And what I really want to know is when does the butt wiping truly end?  Seriously, my girls both did great at potty training.  They were trained at their second birthdays for night and day.  Alas, a child who poops in the potty still cannot be left to their own devices.  The fact of the matter is they have short arms and cannot properly reach behind themselves to do a good job.  

The result of this is dirty underwear and itchy bottoms, which do not make for friendly situations. Therefore, a particular cry can often be heard echoing throughout our house: "Mommy!  I need help wiping!" (Especially fun when we are entertaining guests).  

Now, Hope who is five, is doing this less and less often as I continue to remind her that she is five and I will not wipe her bottom forever.  I even bought those flushable wet wipes to help the girls get themselves clean, but Maddie refuses to use them because they are cold.  Still, I think we are progressing.

And the other thing is that my girls have found their poop humor.  Why is it that the word "poop" is just so darn funny?  I can't tell you how many knock-knock jokes have ended in a simple one-word punch line - poop!  Or how it always works to get my 3 year old rolling with laughter.  

Let me try something on you -

POOP! POOP! POOP! PEE! PEE! POOOOOOOOOOOP!

poop.

Are you laughing?  (I have to confess, I am chuckling just a bit - the word really is kind of funny if you say it enough)  

And finally, here is something that I really find funny.  As I am writing this last poop post (love the alliteration) - my mom has been busy changing my newborn's poopy diaper.  Which, we thought she was finished with, until the diaper was opened and she nearly shot her poop all over grandma.  Luckily, my mom managed to close the diaper in time and wait out a few more explosions.  But, when she cleaned her up and pulled out the dirty diaper, she made a rookie mistake and didn't put the other diaper beneath first. The result - (surprise!) poop all over the changing mat and the back of Ami's clothes.  Classic.  And here I am writing a poop post and laughing my head off!

Mama Exposed - a dentist's nightmare

Okay, so you've probably done this too and it isn't really that bad, but I can't help but feel a little bit guilty anyway.

First, I was too tired to care about dinner last night so my gracious husband picked up some Chinese food.  This means that my daughters' teeth were surely covered in that sticky sugary sauce that coats their favorite - sesame chicken.

Then we were all so tired after dinner that we all promptly fell asleep in the living room.  When Matt and I stirred again, it was near to the girls' regular bedtime.

So, of course, we just carried them up to bed.  Clothes and all, they slept through the night.  Easiest bedtime ever.  But...

oh their teeth!  poor little unbrushed, sugar coated teeth!

Ugh.

Well, I hope they aren't prone to cavities.  One night really can't be that bad, can it?

sweetest moments

Yesterday afternoon, Hope decided that she really wanted a "daddy-daughter date" to go get dessert.  I told her she was welcome to ask him - which she never did - she just basically took it upon herself to see that it happened.  

She pretty literally choked down her dinner even though she didn't like it at all because she knew she would get refused dessert (it was quite amusing to watch what a kid can do when they put their mind to it).  Then, she rushed upstairs and chose her nice dress and dress jacket and shoes and dressed herself. She radiated excitement!

Luckily her daddy is awesome.  So Matt obliged, put on a jacket and some cologne just for her and took her to the cheesecake factory.  They had a fantastic time.

Book review: Parenting is Your Highest Calling and 8 Other Myths....

I just finished reading a book for review by Leslie Leyland Fields entitled "Parenting is Your Highest Calling and 8 Other Myths That Trap Us in Worry and Guilt."

I'm always wary of accepting books for review, nervous that I'll really dislike them and not be able to offer much that is positive.  However, I'm glad I read this one.  I would actually recommend it - particularly to Christian parents as it is strongly a Christian book. 

Throughout the book, Fields liberates her readers from 8 commonly held beliefs (as a Christian myself, I was surprised at how many of these applied to me and other moms I know), imparting an "understanding that lifts the weight of guilt and fear and frees you to love your children as God intended" through exploring God's own life as parent and stories from real-life families.

It is difficult to really explain to you what this book is - it surprised me in ways that I hadn't expected just from the title and taglines and applied directly to me in ways that I hadn't foreseen.  I found it both releasing and encouraging and offer it to you as recommended reading. 

avoiding arguments over food

Here is something I've said enough times in our house, " We don't complain about having food to eat."  I've drilled it into my kids and sometimes it still doesn't go over so well.  Nevertheless, I refuse to tolerate whining or complaining about food.  I refuse to have them grow up to be anything other than grateful for any and all food that is set before them, realizing the privilege of a full belly is something that many in this world do not share with them.  

I also refuse to be a short-order cook.

We are a family where everyone has different preferences and who share a budget and respect the need for good nutrition. I tell them this and therefore we have had many conversations about the fact that while their favorite foods may be served for dinner sometimes, it will not happen every night.  I promise them that everything I put before them will be good and healthful and perfectly edible - and that is enough.

So, the rules about eating in our home are as follows:

• whining or complaining about having food to eat is not acceptable - too bad if it's not what you like most
• you may choose to eat or not to eat    

That's it.  While occasionally my children have chosen not to eat, neither of them have suffered one bit. Both have learned to enjoy and tolerate a wide variety of foods and are learning to put appreciation and nutrition over preference as needed.  

Just today, I fixed a fine lunch for Hope - who decided she didn't like the flavor of yogurt (that she had picked out herself at the store) or the kind of apple.  "I guess no lunch for you today," was all the response she received from her whining.  After a few minutes of crying, she simply took back her yogurt and ate the whole thing (no prodding or further commentary from me)  Then she turned to me and said, "I took a chance mommy, and now I've eaten the whole thing!"  

No good food was wasted, I didn't have to fix anything else, and Hope is full and nourished.  

 

chugga chugga = brusha brusha

My girls are still mastering the skill of brushing their teeth - at least to the satisfaction of their mother. So, particularly after they brush at night, I insist on "checking"  ie: rebrushing for them to make sure the job is done well.

The issue is that sometimes they don't have patience for this and find it difficult to stand still and open wide.  And my favorite annoyance...for some reason they think that they have to spit with every tiny swipe of the toothbrush.

So, I started a very simple game with them.  Basically, while I am brushing I make train sounds "chugga chugga chugga...." and they are only allowed to spit when I blow the horn  "choo choo!!!"  We try to make it "all the way around the track" which means totally around the outside and inside of all the teeth either upper or lower, before they spit.  

It's so, so simple but somehow they LOVE it - even my five year old! 

mom super-powers

I'm convinced that upon the birth of our children, we moms are suddenly endowed with certain super-powers.  I don't mean like shooting lazers out of our eyes (although wouldn't that come in handy in some instances?) or leaping tall buildings in a single bound (ditto)...but there are some key senses that seem to get a nice little boost.  I'm kind of fascinated by this.  For instance:

• I used to be rather clumsy, but my reaction time is amazing now - catching some flying object, reaching out in a split second to catch the toppling cup of milk or the toppling child, leaping in front of an object to protect my child, etc... no problem!  I've actually had people comment on this and to be honest, I totally surprise myself as well!
• I can decipher almost any sound, sight-unseen.  I know what exactly my kids are playing with at any given time, what in particular that "thump" was, what each kind of wail means, whether a cough is "wet or dry", etc...  My hearing is also much more sensitive - I notice A LOT more than I used to and even in my sleep.  My body reacts to the tiniest sound - a nearly mute call for mommy from my girls' bedroom, their rolling over in their sleep.  
• sensitive smell - and it's not just the diaper thing.  I can smell a scented, un-lit candle across a room, whether a child's breath smells "fruity" like they aren't feeling well, and am extremely sensitive to fragrance now. 
• intuition - moms should trust their intuition, it's a gift.  We can sometimes "know" something about our children or a situation involving them that others will totally miss or negate.  I think we're just "tuned in" in a special way.  I remember when Hope was born, I'd awake every couple hours to her cry to be fed.  When she began sleeping longer stretches, I'd actually get startled out of my sleep because she wasn't crying in some weird motherly instinct.  I'd listen to her breathe and go back to sleep thinking how annoying it was that my body woke itself up when more sleep is every mother's dream.   

That "eyes in the back of the head" thing that all kids wonder about? - that's mom's super-powers combined!  What have you noticed about your senses since the birth of your children?  Which is your favorite or the most surprising? 

gifts for the birth of a sibling?

Maddie was born the day before Hope's 2nd birthday.  Because of that,I prepared a gift for Hope to receive and open when she came to the hospital to visit us.  I wanted her to know that I was thinking about her and hadn't forgotten her special day, I didn't want her to feel overshadowed by the arrival of her sister.  She was so young, I'm not sure it really mattered.

I recently began thinking about whether I should have a little gift for the girls to open when they come to the hospital again.  But the more I thought about it, the more the notion became disagreeable to me.

As thoughtful as the idea might have been, I'm not sure it's the message I want to send.  Having another baby is a normal occurance in a family.  I don't feel guilty about it, I don't feel like I need to "appease" my other kids or seem apologetic as if something is being taken away from them by this addition or because challenges and changes are being added to their lives (if that makes sense) - rather I want them to enjoy their new sister because of the blessing she is to our whole family and embrace that just as it is. She is their gift as well as ours.  The moment is already special and they are included in that. 

But, I did come up with an idea that I think we will do - after all, it is a transition and an adjustment. I've asked Matt to take the girls to the store before they are brought to the hospital to meet their new sister. Each of the girls will be allowed to choose something small and "useful" for the new baby - socks or a hat maybe.  When they arrive, they can "welcome" their new sibling with their gifts and we'll put them on her so that they can see their gifts put to use right away.  I think that in this way they will feel like they are contributing and bringing something special to this family celebration.  Plus, it will be a tangible way for them to express care to the baby in their special new roles as her big sister.  

The Self-Esteem Trap

I just finished reading The Self-Esteem Trap:Raising Confident and Compassionate Kids in an Age of Self-Importance, by Polly Young-Eisendrath, PhD.

First, I want to say that I am extremely conservative in recommending parenting books to anyone.  This is true for various reasons which I won't get into here, but suffice to say there are probably only two books out there of which I would confidently say "you should read this, you need to read this" to parents. 

However, I am going to include and recommend this one to you.  I really enjoyed reading it and I felt like the author's observations were relevant, fascinating, insightful, helpful, and at least necessary for consideration particularly by our generation. I've been following this thread of thought through various authors (which somewhat revolves around an observation of a shift in parenting styles in America circa the 60's).  I was thrilled to find the same discussion by this author who is very different from the other authors I've read - she is a practicing Buddhist and a Jungian Psycotherapist and the influence of these is definitely felt throughout the book, which was all the more interesting but not a turn off to me as a Christian.  As with any book, I didn't agree with everything that was said - and the topic is detailed enough that I can't present a comprehensive summary or discussion here.  But I would like to say that it is worth adding to your "to read" list.

I'm so anxious to have a discussion with other parents about this, but I don't know anyone else who has read it yet.  So much so, that I even considered recommending it to my book club.

help me with her hair

My daughter Hope has lovely hair.  But, it has a few characteristics which make it difficult.  I need some help.  Most of the time she just wants to wear it down - which is fine with me because honestly it is some of the most delicate hair I've ever seen.  I can't put any barrette or ponytail holder in without it somehow managing to shred her hair.  The result is that her "long" hair is actually now a multitude of lengths - it honestly frames her face like I took her and got it layered.  So, when she wears it down, it looks a bit scraggily and gets in her face.  Also, you can see her natural texture from the photos here.  Her hair is thin and a mix of straight and curly.  Some parts of it like to hang straight, while other parts make gorgeous ringlet spirals.  It's mood depends a lot on the weather, but it almost always has multiple-personalities.  The result of this is that it NEVER looks brushed.  Two minutes after a good brushing it looks like it hasn't been touched.  I'm a little tired of my lovely daughter running around looking like an unkempt wild child - but I'm struggling with any good ideas about how to tame and care for her hair - and sometimes, she just HAS to have it out of her face, like when she's eating messy foods. Headbands bother her and neither she nor I really want to cut it short right now either. I tried trimming it to equal length once, but it didn't seem to matter.  Does anyone have any words of advice?  Please help!

siblings sharing bedrooms

I'm glad that my girls share a room.  They didn't really have to up until now, but there were certain things that appealed to me about it.  They have such a close relationship, bedtime routines involve the entire family together, emphasis on sharing, and added space in our home to name a few.  Of course I see the merits of having personal space too, but we've managed to work this out agreeably among the girls. So, thus far, I've been very happy with our decision to have them room together.

There is something, however, that I didn't really take into consideration.  Hope and Maddie have different sleep needs.  It turns out that Maddie could use about one hour more of sleep in the morning than Hope needs.  The result is that Hope wakes up Maddie every morning.  Luckily, Maddie does fine with this most of the time, though I have heard her complain to her sister a time or two.  I imagine this kind of thing is going to drive them crazy as teenagers.  At the moment, however, there might be a positive flip side to this in that Hope is having a new opportunity to learn what it means to be considerate of another person and Maddie has retained her morning nap which has been very helpful during this first year of homeschooling Hope.

It's just one of those little unforeseen things that I hadn't previously taken into account.  Sometimes I feel there's no use trying to see a decision from every angle, inevitably there is something you just won't think of for whatever reason. 

(btw - they don't share the same bed, this is just a picture of Hope reading to Maddie :)

what I don't remember about babies

It's funny how memories fade, even the ones that seem the most crucial, the most treasurable.  Each new season carries so much that is new into life that the details of past seasons seem to slip away somewhere -occasionally caught by the deep recesses of our minds and sometimes left behind altogether.  

I find it a bit strange that having birthed two children in the past five years, there is so much I have already forgotten about babies.  People ask me questions regarding what I did about such and such, and I honestly have to tell them that I just don't remember.  

There was a time when I thought that if you've ever had a baby, you would just always remember what to do - something like riding a bike.  I was aghast when grandparents didn't seem to remember which things were choking hazards and so forth.  Only now, while I could easily tell you how old my children were when they took their first steps, I couldn't tell you when to look for a first tooth or how exactly I got them into their current routines, etc...  I'm stuck in the present ages and stages of my 3 and 5 yr. old.  

Some of it does come back.  I'm not worried about the new kid arriving soon.  And luckily, one of the great things about blogging is I can go back and read all kinds of things I'd forgotten about.  

It feels a little weird while two kids are running around my ankles and I'm sporting big ol' preggo belly, to have someone ask me something only to stare blankly back at them and admit I really don't remember. But I haven't forgotten one thing...babies need lots of love.  And a mother who really loves her baby is sure to do whatever it takes to learn what's best for them.  The problem is, you also have to learn about 1 yr. olds and then 2 yr. olds and then 3 yr. olds - it's always changing and a brain tends to hold on to just what's essential for the moment.  

Of course there are some things that you know you'll just never forget for as long as you live...and this is testified to by the fact that your own parents are still telling a couple of stories about when you were little.

When your name is the last thing you want to hear

I have an introverted personality.  It's not that I'm anti-social, it's simply that I MUST have alone time or at least quiet time to recharge.  I love people - but instead of being energized by them as are extroverted individuals, I require rest periods for recharging. 

Quietness is essential to my mental well-being.

I was tired at the end of yesterday and very sore from being on my feet all day.  So, I deemed today a stay-at-home and rest day in order to prepare for a busy week ahead and listen to the demands of my pregnant body.  

I have done little physical work and nothing has been particularly demanding today.  Yet, my name has been called practically every 5 seconds - no exaggeration.  All of the requests from by my children and husband have been completely legitimate. But my brain is refusing to process anymore.

 My girls also happen to be EXTREMELY vociferous.  Have you ever listened to a 4 or 5 year old tell ONE story for TWENTY MINUTES straight without hardly stopping to breathe?   I have.  On several occasions.  It's an exercise in will power.  

My girls talk to me all day long.  Asking questions, telling stories, just explaining what they are doing. 

and I repeat: Quietness is essential to my well-being.

So, there are moments when my name is the last thing I want to hear.  Maybe I can tune everything out for a minute or two, but it is impossible to tune out the repetitive call of your name. Suddenly my world breaks down, I break down.  It's either run away or send them away or freak out.  Plug my ears, plug in to the silence and recharge.

then I'll be happy and ready again to the face the kind of world where hearing three amazing voices call my name is the sweetest thing ever.

other moms keep me laughing

I didn't have time to post today (the egg posts are pre-written and timed) and I'm not feeling it tonight.  However, I did manage to pop in over at a few other blogs that I enjoy.  These moms always make me laugh and today they have some pretty funny posts - so take a detour over there to read these posts and enjoy!  I'll be back tomorrow.

The Big Piece of Cake - by Kate, Thursday Jan 8 "Is Nothing Sacred?"

Whittaker Woman - by Heather, Thursday Jan 8 "Sex Ed on the way to the OB"

character lessons anyone?

For the first two years of life or so, a child requires constant care from their parents.  Out of necessity we orbit around them, caring for every need.  What we are in fact doing is creating little monsters.

There comes a point when a child, who previously has had mom and dad at beck and call, must learn that the world in fact does not revolve around them.  

This is where I am with my children.  We are in the territory of being quite intentional about their character training.  And it is not a quick and easy task.  But for the sake of our sanity and their success as adults, it's a must!

Of course, my kids have had please and thank you and excuse me down pat for quite some time. Never-the-less, they still have a very self-focused world view. It's not an easy corner to turn.   

Here are some of the things that I am currently hard at work on:

• being aware of sharing public space with other people and minding their needs as well (for example, not darting out in front of people who are walking in shopping areas or squeezing in between them instead of going around, or apologizing if you happen to accidentally bump into them or cut them off or something) 
• not talking over another person (including your sibling - I can't listen to you both simultaneously so please just stop, or mom while she is reading the book you requested, or while mom is on the phone, etc....) 
• letting others go before you (for example through a doorway, instead of blowing off the rest of the world as you make a mad dash to squeeze through to whatever you are after on the other side) 
• if you are arguing with your sibling and mom/dad calls you in to talk with you, coming in and first waiting to hear what mom/dad says before beginning a diatribe about why it was the other person's fault 
• noting that you are not the only person who has tasks to accomplish and honoring others by helping them with their tasks too (including your sibling)   

These are just a few of the symptoms, I'm sure there are many more, of my children's overall case of "the-world-revolves-around-me" - but you get the picture. If anyone has any good tips or stories about turning this corner with children, I'd LOVE to hear about it! 

what do you think about this quote?

It's probably a pretty serious crime to remove this from the context of the rest of the book, never-the-less I'm interested in what you think.  

" Thus the great paradox of modern parenting: women have claimed authority in the military, education, the professions, the workplace, and the church and yet abandoned their authority where their children are concerned.  The woman of fifty years ago did not have the extra-familial opportunities available to today's woman, but she exerted a powerful authority over her kids.  I submit that today's children are not developing respect for female authority, and that this is going to come back to haunt us all in the very near future. "

The quote is from John Rosemond in "Parenting by The Book,"  which I've read a couple of times now. Any thoughts?

2009 parenting book list

I honestly don't read many parenting books.  However, now that we are about to start again with a new baby, I've been eyeing the parenting section a little more.  Occasionally something peaks my interest whether it's personal or whether it's just because I'm interested in kids and parenting in general.  Here are a few books that I'm hoping to read in the new year.  If you've read any of them, let me know what you thought.

New Parent Power by John Rosemond (admittedly, I've browsed this book pretty heavily in the past - but I own Parenting By the Book and he is one of the few authors I really like in the parenting category)

I'm Not Your Friend, I'm Your Parent by 

E.D.Hill(admittedly, I've browsed this one a bit already too and don't expect much new from it, but some confirmation/encouragement for some of the parenting styles I've already adopted)

The Self-Esteem Trap:Raising Confident and Compassionate Kids in an Age of Self-Importance 

by Polly Young-Eisendrath (a philosophy I've already read about from other authors, including John Rosemond. But I'm interested to ponder this more and see what someone else has to say)

The Diseasing of America's Children; Exposing the ADHD Fiasco and Empowering Parents to Take Back Control (John Rosemond again, interested in what the author has to say )

expect the unexpected

We're back from Christmas vacation and therefore I'm back from my temporary blog hiatus.  However, we are having too much fun drawing vacation out at home as the girls don't return to their school schedules until next week.  So, while I plan to blog more soon..(very soon, I have a growing list of post ideas), for the moment I'm just going to leave this one pregnancy thought that I've been pondering:

  

There is one certainty about having a baby (whether the first or third) - the only guarantee I'll ever offer another parent and it's this;  

No matter what experience you've garnered, how much you've read or how much you've observed other children, etc - there is only ONE thing you can be absolutely sure of and that is that something will be utterly different than what you expect.  Seems like a "duh" doesn't it?  But really, as I begin to ponder scheduling and sleeping and feeding plans and discipline and other ideas about how this house will run with the addition of our new daughter (yeah, I'm a planner), the one thing I know to remind myself repeatedly  is that somehow it just won't go according to plan. And strangely that makes things both less stressful and more exciting at the same time.  

(note: I've never read the book pictured here, but thought it was fitting. You can find it here.)

My birthday girl!

Today my little Maddie is three! And while Matt has taken her out for a daddy/daughter special birthday breakfast, I have a moment to post a quick reflection. 
My does time go by so fast!  She is still my baby-cheeked, snuggly one and a very special addition to our family.  She has brought us so much joy and laughter - especially as she's a bit of a ham.  Mostly she's sugary sweet and does a heck of a job keeping up with her super big sister! 
I'm not going to write one of those bloggy birthday letters to her for everyone to read - though, I actually do sit down and hand write a letter to my children on their birthday each year.  When they are grown, I'll hand them the whole stack and they can read over and over again how much my love for them has grown across the years and how very much I treasure them for just being themselves. 
I have a habit of praying a prayer of thanks for the time I've already had with my children in order to embrace what a gift that really is...so I am definitely grateful today for one more year with Maddie, it has been wonderful being her mom and I totally look forward to all that is to come!

Thrombastic Threes

Maddie turns three next week.  I've decided that, at least according to our household, there is not much to the "terrible two's" moniker.  Both of our girls were fairly angelic little creatures at 2.  But 3, well now, that's a different story.  I'm calling it "thrombastic three".  Suddenly parenting takes on new challenges - and often leaves me feeling frustrated.  I remember this with Hope, at pretty much the same age.  And, oddly I've found it mentioned in several books on parenting/discipline that three seems to be particularly notorious for this, nevermind 2.  So recently, Maddie has been testing me quite a bit...but I guess it's good.  It has made me take the time to stop and re-evaluate my disciplinary motives and strategies, the big picture of parenting and my goals therein, and has given me renewed focus for moving forward with my children.  Nevertheless, oh my - there have been some moments recently that practically left my head spinning.  Wow - three year olds!  Has anyone else found three to be more difficult than two?

doozy of a day!

We all have 'em - those crazy days that just exemplify the challenges of being a parent. Occasionally my best friend Heather will email me one of her days.  I LOVE this!  It always makes me laugh...because I know her and can totally picture her in these moments.  But also because I can totally picture myself in these moments and there is a certain camaraderie between moms that makes it so good to know you're not the only one with days like this! 

7:00 Wake up and pray

7:20 Get ready for school/fighting with the kids over what to wear

8:15 Running late/pick up McDonald’s

8:45 Arrive at school in nick of time, Megan has spilled a water bottle that has biscuit pieces/lollipop sticky backwash in it all over the floor and I kneel in it, leaving big spots of funk all over my knees

9:00 Drop off the Bible study supplies I promised to bring, though I can’t attend today. Catch up with Andy briefly and Megan slams her head into the wall. A little deeper and we would have had stitches. Either way there’s a nice abrasion and bump. Hold ice on it.

9:15 Go to client’s school to pick up some records. Counselor decides she wants to talk for a few minutes. So with my funky knees, sneakers and 2 year old in hand with the gooseegg on her head, go into a conference room to have a professional discussion.

10:00 Arrive at store parking lot to run errand but realize my end of month timesheet is due at work by 10 this morning. I don’t have time to go to work or home to send it in and make it to the dentist on time. I run into the church office and beg the receptionist to send it off of the memory stick in my purse(luckily I had that). After that crisis averted, I decide to let Megan play on the playground for a few minutes before going to the dentist to get my stitches out. Megan falls and slams her eye on the metal steps right before we need to go and has an absolute SHINER on her eye/cheek. She screams and cries. I try to take her to the car but she’s mad because she wants her last turn on the slide. She’s still in pain so she cries all the way down the slide, but was determined to do it.

10:45 Arrive at the dentist. Stitches removed but it’s not healing as well as it should(I could have told you thatJ). Stay on motrin but change all the appointments you’ve made over the next two months because it’s going to take longer to heal than expected. I stand there trying to concentrate on my family’s insane schedule while Megan is throwing her bouncy ball prize they gave her into everyone who walks by.

11:30-12:30 Run errands. While trying on a pair of pants, Megan rams her mouth into the door and starts screaming. Lollipop #3 is shoved in her mouth as we leave the store.

12:30 Pick up Jonathan from school. He’s been written up today because he deliberately didn’t listen to the teacher, threw himself head first down the slide, hurt his arm and they had to bandage it up. Jonathan and Megan compare boo-boos.

12:45 Grab lunch on the go for the kids before doctor’s office.

1:20 Doctor’s appointment. The children fight and scream over a book and won’t listen. My blood pressure was high(go figure) and they want to monitor it long term. The numbness in my hand is carpal tunnel syndrome which is not fun but very treatable and no crazy tests need to be done so far. We leave but the nurse gives them different colored lollipops. This is a crisis. Megan wants the blue one and then throws her red one on the floor. Both children scream almost all the way home until Megan suddenly conks out and falls asleep in a matter of seconds. I blast worship music over the screams hoping that counts for somethingJ.

2:30 Children are asleep (yeah) and mommy is recovering, getting ready to go to work in a few hours(my easy job-dealing with moms whose children are in foster care).

 

So-the question remains-how much worse would the day have been if I hadn’t gotten up to pray first?!!!

clumsy child-induced situations

So, you're in Target with two kids, one at least constrained within the cart - which happens to be quickly filling with little odds and ends that you've been meaning to pick up, though it has taken a while to actually get pulled together enough to even attempt a target run with the kids. When of course, one of the munchkins suddenly needs to use the bathroom (even though you were just in there with the other kid)....
What to do? What seems like the most uncomplicated answer is to just take it all in with you...that's right, just push the entire cart into the bathroom.  Oh, I've done it.  And, in reality, trying to push an unevenly weighted fat red cart around the awkward corner and through the door, with one hand while holding the door with the other and trying not to run over the confused people to whom you are giving apologetic glances as they are smooshed backwards into the narrow bathroom, is NOT less work than just popping the kids in and out of the cart, and MUCH more clumsy. (though is helpful in curbing the curiosity unconfined kids seem to have especially for those little "trashcans" in the stalls)  Gratefully, when you actually make it inside,  there is a large handicap stall right in the middle (instead of at the end) which, surprisingly will fit the entire cart.  Except that there is very little room to maneuver and people are giving you those "looks" that they reserve especially for moms.  God forbid that it actually be me who has to use the bathroom which is just going to make me that much less patient and graceful...and if another mom tries to come in there with her cart or stroller...well, forgetaboutit. 
I used to think that I had to be the only one desperate or crazy enough to try this, so I was pleasantly surprised when yesterday, after taking my girls into the women's restroom - sans cart - I noticed another woman come out of the center stall with her giant red cart and kid parked in front.  You should have seen my warm inner smile...it's like we were members of our own secret club.  You know what else? As we were leaving, another mom pulled up with her cart and headed in. 
Of course there are better ways to do this...that's not really the point.  The point is that moms do crazy things all the time that we feel so clumsy and silly for...but some days being a mom isn't about being perfectly resourceful or graceful, it's about getting it done.  You might not be part of the "shopping cart in the restroom" club, but maybe it's the overflowing HUGE diaper bag club, or the uncoordinated, clumsy, nursing-in-some-inadequate-corner-in-public club,  or the I-came-unprepared-so-now-my-kid-has-on-half-the-amount-of-clothes-they-should-and-is-eating-whatever
-stale-mushed-snack-I-could-manage-to-dig-out-of-the-bottom-of-my-bag club, or whatever... I'd like to go up to every woman I've ever seen in an awkward child-induced scenario and pat her on the back and say, "hey, I'm in that club too."  In fact, I think I'm the president. 

milestones

All I can say is that it is an amazing feeling when you trust your young children with a certain level of responsibility and they come through! We are finally to the point where I can tell my kids, who are playing with toys downstairs, that I am going upstairs to take a shower and get ready for the day and that I'd like them to go get ready too. And, by the time I've finished my shower, the girls - who could have chosen to stay where they were and continue playing, have instead worked together to choose their clothing and dress in it, brush their teeth, and brush their hair. 
Now mind you, the outfits they pick might not be what I would have chosen for them - sometimes they leave the house looking a tad ridiculous...and their teeth might not be cleaned perfectly.  I'm okay with that. I try very hard not to criticize or re-do their efforts.  They can't quite manage barettes and ponytails by themselves yet, so I get to finish their hair.  But I'll help with their teeth before bed and lay down my pride in having children who are dressed in super cute little outfits in exchange for seeing them grow in responsibility and enjoy it....and it saves us all some time too.

Mama Exposed 5

Okay, I'm going to just admit it; I don't always like playing with my kids.  In fact, I'm pretty terrible at it. I just have such a difficult time sitting there on the carpet trying to be entertained by Candyland or Legos or babydolls.  Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore my children.  I love to watch them and to be around them...but so often I'm just tired and not feeling creative or frankly, my adult brain is just not thoroughly engaged by the interests of a 2 and a 4 yr. old. And, as often as not, I'm simply distracted.  I often find that my play time with the girls is forced and not as enthusiastic is it maybe should be.  I do make time to do this because I'm trying to make the most of my time with them.  I know that someday they will no longer come to me to ask if I will play, and I will miss that.  But it isn't always easy and it isn't always what I feel I'd rather be doing.  I think that this is probably normal to some degree, and I would wager that a lot of moms probably feel pretty guilty about this.  There are days when, though I am a stay-at-home-mom, I realize at the end of the day that I didn't really play with my kids at all.  They sort of played around me or near me, but I wasn't particularly engaged with them as I went about my daily chores or whatever...and I think about how I missed another day when I could have made the most of enjoying my children and somehow I feel that I've let them down and myself down, and in a way I have.  Then there are days when I actually do play with them...but I'm not really engaged and they practically have to drag it out of me - and then I feel guilty about that one too because I don't want to communicate to them that they aren't important or other things deserve my time more or that I don't want to play with them.  Because really I do, I want to be the kind of parent that can get lost in play for hours with my kids.  I'm working on that...and occasionally, we do manage to really play together and I enjoy it and receive it as a gift.  This is all some weird balancing trick that I haven't got the hang of yet and by the time I do, it will probably be too late.  I suppose that is why my children's grandmothers have no problem just playing with them. 

wills and custody

We recently had a very interesting and unexpected thing happen to us.  Some friends of ours asked us if we would consider taking custody of their children in the horrible event that something should happen to both parents. (This is not the family, by the way, whose children I watch regularly, for those of you who like to be sleuths :)  I was blown away by this.  It brought back to mind the need for my husband and I to have some wills executed for ourselves with stipulations for the care of our own children.  And as I pondered this and who I would entrust the care of my precious babies to, I felt totally honored and amazed that anyone would think so much of my husband and I that they would consider us, and I felt totally unworthy.  It really wasn't a difficult decision to say yes. Even after all things considered, I would absolutely love and raise those children as my own in a heartbeat, though I definitely hope and pray that nothing should ever happen to my friends.  I would definitely want to honor their wishes however, as I would want my desires for my own children to be honored.  For some people a choice like our friends made might be easy, but for others it may be really difficult.  In any case, I think it is wise to plan ahead for the best interest of our children in case of unfortunate events. 

mom burn out

I think every mother is entitled to physically/mentally/emotionally/relationally crash sometime, at least for a short while.  There is just so much going on that sometimes, not unlike my computer, we need to just shut down and start up again later.  And I'm not talking about needing to go out by yourself for a cup of coffee or a kid-free twirl around Target....I"m talking bawling, "everyone leave me the heck alone 'cause I can't handle it at the moment" adult meltdown.  This morning was my turn.  It's been a busy few weeks and right when I realized I was totally overstimulated (a very real problem for introverts like myself), we had a houseful of guests show up for the weekend.  One silly little thing put me over the top this morning, so my husband graciously agreed to suck up his own weariness and take the kids out of the house for a little while so I could "recover."  Wanna know what I did? I spent two hours watching Gilmore Girls, Full House, and Home Improvement reruns while I sewed new panel curtains for my girls' bedroom.  Daytime t.v. is something I never do and crafting something is so restorative and relaxing for me.  Hopefully the rest of the day will follow suit - Maddie is now napping, as is my husband, and Hope is quietly playing while I write.

living in between

Summer has been good for me.  Somehow, it has emphasized my efforts to slow down and savor my moments.  I've been trying to focus on the "in-between" a lot lately. You know what I mean....those moments in between everything else that we are doing.  The moments that are so often wasted and pushed aside by "hurry up" and impatience and total focus on the next thing we are doing whether it is really something important or just dinner or an errand or whatever.  Somehow, I think that it is in those moments where life really occurs.  So, I'm committing to quit telling my kids to hurry through them and to shifting my focus off of the next task at hand and into here and now more often.  So what if my kids want to walk home from the pool EXTRAORDINARILY slow?...let 'em be wet longer, eat dinner later and let's take the time to pick at pebbles and dawdle and just "be" together.  I've sometimes wondered where it is along the way that adults seem to lose their imagination and lose sight of the mystery and wonder of life and begin pummeling through it at full speed.  I think it happens when we get to the life stage where we must begin thinking about the next task in our day, when we become responsible and focused on our duties real and perceived.  But kids are still living in the moments in between.  They are alive and curious and adventurous as we carry them from one thing to the next throughout the day.  They don't seem to anticipate the next thing in the same way, they are too captivated by the opportunities that are presented in every moment, in now.  I think that's what people mean when they are lying on their deaths beds saying things about how much they wish they had taken the time to slow down and enjoy life, how they missed so much that they'd give anything to have back again.  All that time in between adds up to a lot of life.  I don't want to cast that aside in a rush for who knows what? and I don't want to teach my kids the nasty habit of doing that either.

she's an introvert

It is so interesting to watch the distinct and individual personalities of my children unfold before me.  In some ways, though they are my own, I am trying to get to know them as if I were learning about somebody else, a new friend for example.  It really helps me and our relationships to understand who they are apart from who I expect them to be.  My 4 year old is an introvert - I'm almost positive! You wouldn't probably know this from meeting my extremely vociferous daughter, but I am not talking about being shy or quiet.  I'm referring to how extroverted personalities are energized by being around other people while introverted personalities are drained of energy by others and are re-energized by time to themselves.  Hope may spend the day in the company of one or many people, but in either case she will inevitably come to a crashing point.  It becomes abundantly clear that she is done.  She'll tell me she's done, she wants to go home or be alone and she'll hole up somewhere by herself until she is rejuvenated again.  Understanding this about her has been fascinating and has helped us to avoid many meltdowns and misunderstandings.  It is fairly easy for me to recognize and cater to this because I am also an introvert.  My husband and other daughter, however, are not.  About the time that Hope and I are ready to retreat or bust, the other two are clamoring to get out and find more people.  It requires some balance among us all.

automatic flushers

Have you ever noticed that the automatic flush for public restrooms wasn't really designed with kids in mind?  I can't tell you how many times I've taken one of my girls into a public stall and had the toilet flush while they are still sitting there only to scare the jeepers out of them! Since they aren't quite tall enough yet, the sensor sometimes thinks they've left even when they haven't.  And then there is the added situation of it never flushing at all because it never sensed them in the first place, which doesn't matter quite so much because there is the little manual button.  Still, you should see the startled look in their eyes when they are sitting there peacefully taking care of business and suddenly, without warning, there comes the thundering Niagara Falls-noise of the super-powered public flush and occasionally a slight sprinkle from the upsurge. I think it has happened enough times now that they are getting used to it - they don't seem to instinctively leap away in terror anymore :)  I've tried standing there directly in front of them in order to fool the sensor, but inevitably they can't reach the toilet paper and so when I lean over to help - you got it - flush!

global food crisis and making a difference

It is shameful how easy it is to complain about rising costs of gas and groceries from the comfort of the richest nation in the world. I have to fight to keep perspective.  I don't know if you are aware that there is a global food crisis happening right now and that people are suffering.  It has been said that this crisis could potentially plunge an additional 100 million families on each continent into hunger.
"A combination of natural disasters, rising oil prices, and a reduction in staple food items like rice are ravaging families who were already struggling to buy food for their family. Because of these factors inflation has kicked in and caused food prices to soar over the past few months. This rise in food prices triggered the recent outbreak of violence in Haiti and in Bangladesh the cost of a kilo of rice went from $.31 to $.56 in less than 3 months. Most of these families living in poverty earn less than $2 per day and most of them are skipping meals because of the increase in costs." 
Brian Seay summarizes a massive issue - and his family has decided to make a small change to help make a difference. They aren't the only ones. A few families I know have decided to give up one dinner meal each week to just eat rice, only rice.  They will spend that evening teaching their children about a different country and families in crisis.  They have also decided to give 10% of their weekly grocery budget to the Compassion Food Crisis Fund.  Brian has said that he will write a weekly post with stories from these countries and their specific needs to help any family who would join their efforts.  I am so inspired by these families and appreciate the fact that they will not only make a difference by contributing financially, but they will also make a difference by raising compassionate children who will continue to look beyond themselves into the world around them. 

89,711 parenting books

Just out of curiosity, I visited Amazon's book section and searched "parenting."  The result was 89,711 books.
And I'm curious to hear what you would say that reveals about parenting in this day and age???